The topic of existential crisis is near and dear to my heart. For me, this is when everything started. This is when I feel like I finally started waking up and living an intentional life.
An existential crisis can be a dark time. But the light on the other side is so worth going through it. I’m now approaching the 5-year anniversary of my crisis.
Post Contents: Click a link to jump to a section below
- If you’re having an existential crisis… (why it’s a good thing)
- The challenge with finding good info about them online
- How an existential crisis is defined
- My own personal existential crisis story
- 7 ways to positively overcome your own existential crisis
- Also, be sure to browse through 100+ comments to see the vast variety of people, ages, and perspectives on crises
“I have an existential map. It has ‘You are here’ written all over it.” ― Steven Wright
If you’re having an existential crisis…
You are not alone. In fact, you are in good company. Don’t view your existential crisis as something that’s wrong with you. Instead, look at it as just the opposite—something that sets you apart from those who don’t (or refuse to) think deeply about life.
This quote was one of my favorite things I came across to help me realize this:
- “Why should such existential concerns occur disproportionately among gifted persons? Partially, it is because substantial thought and reflection must occur to even consider such notions, rather than simply focusing on superficial day-to-day aspects of life.” — DavidsonGifted.org¹
Congrats, I guess we’re in the gifted club! You are a deep thinker who doesn’t just focus on the superficial aspects of life. I also found this next excerpt from a blogger incredibly helpful:
- “Existential crisis is the breakdown of the self/ego. It’s the beginning of the realization that you might not be who you thought you were all along. This will bring into question EVERYTHING of the old self. All your motivations, desires, goals, personality, values etc… will be on the chopping block. Once you realize this, most, if not everything you valued will fall to the wayside. An existential crisis means that you are starting to find yourself, your true self. And if you follow that path to its conclusion, you’ll find that life is much simpler than what it was before, that your self is an illusion and much of what we give value to in life, has little to no meaning; certainly not in the way we thought of as before.” — Ramblings of My Mind²
Even Elon Musk isn’t immune to an existential crisis (although he had his much earlier in life than most as a teenager—which probably shouldn’t be surprising):
When you search for existential crisis online…
You don’t get much from the first page of Google search results (at the time of this writing):
- a BuzzFeed listicle,
- a pretty good video from Alain de Botton’s “The School of Life” which I’ve embedded further down the post below,
- a WikiHow article sharing 3 different ways to deal with a crisis—this is the #1 result for “how to existential crisis,”
- a definition from UrbanDictionary. Yeah…
- recent news stories referencing “existential crisis” as it relates to the financial market, tech companies, and politics,
- a slightly helpful article from Psychology Today, although the comments may be better than the article,
- and maybe my favorite result (kidding)—“Can a cat have an existential crisis?” Yep, that’s on the first page of search results at the time of writing this.
Wikipedia is usually a great place to get an initial understanding of a topic. It’s like the modern day For Dummies book series. A safe place where you can dive in deep for hours or days at a time on any topic imaginable—only to discover new topics and then go deep on those.
Surprisingly, Wikipedia isn’t filled with a wealth of information for “existential crisis.” Instead, it almost reads like WebMD in this case—a quick intro followed by possible causes of how you got to be in this crisis. Common triggers are things like a tragic experience, major loss in your life, and turning a significant age (usually ages that end in “9” or “0”).
They say an existential crisis should not be confused with an identity crisis (usually related to adolescence) or a midlife crisis (usually triggered by someone’s increasing age).
Although they aren’t listed on the first couple pages of search results, Reddit and Quora have some good info and a mostly helpful community atmosphere:
- Quora posts on “existential crisis”
- Reddit: r/Existential_crisis
- Reddit: r/ExistentialSupport
- Reddit: r/Existentialism
So, it’s no wonder I had to Google a million different things to find any helpful information when I was going through my own existential crisis.
It seems a lot of the articles and advice give tips on how to get over or go around your existential crisis. Instead, I went straight into and through it. And, I’m glad I did. So…
What is an Existential Crisis? (or Existential Anxiety / Existential Angst)
Here are some of the better definitions that I came across:
- “An existential crisis is a moment at which an individual questions if their life has meaning, purpose, or value.” — Wikipedia³
- “Psychologists define existential crisis as a turning point. It’s a moment when you feel the need to find meaning or purpose in your life.” — BetterHelp4
- “Existential anxiety is an all-encompassing form of anxiety and stress that is present in a nagging way when we try to make meaning in life simply because, as humans, we exist. That’s a fun concept, isn’t it? We experience anxiety, stress, strife, worry, and even panic simply because we are alive.” — Healthy Place5
On Choice:
- “Existentialism posits that a person can and does define the meaning and purpose of his or her life, and therefore must choose to resolve the crisis of existence.” — Wikipedia³
- “In existentialist philosophy, the term ‘existential crisis’ specifically relates to the crisis of the individual when they realize that they must always define their own lives through the choices they make.” — Wikipedia³
- “Making choices among the possibilities is indeed arbitrary; there is no ‘ultimately right’ choice. Even choosing a vocation can be difficult if one is trying to make a career decision between essentially equal passion, talents and potential in violin, neurology, theoretical mathematics and international relations.” — SENG6
- “In a few hundred years, when the history of our time will be written from a long-term perspective, it is likely that the most important event historians will see is not technology, not the Internet, not e-commerce. It is an unprecedented change in the human condition. For the first time—literally—substantial and rapidly growing numbers of people have choices. For the first time, they will have to manage themselves. And society is totally unprepared for it.” — Peter Drucker
On Authenticity:
- “Søren Kierkegaard is generally considered to have been the first existentialist philosopher, though he did not use the term existentialism. He proposed that each individual—not society or religion—is solely responsible for giving meaning to life and living it passionately and sincerely, or ‘authentically.’” — Wikipedia7
- “While the predominant value of existentialist thought is commonly acknowledged to be freedom, its primary virtue is authenticity.” — Wikipedia7
- “Many noted existentialist writers consider the theme of authentic existence important. Authentic existence involves the idea that one has to ‘create oneself’ and then live in accordance with this self.” — Wikipedia7
If you’re looking for a book on existentialist philosophy that goes deep on authenticity, check out my book summary of The Existentialist’s Survival Guide: How to Live Authentically in an Inauthentic Age.
The Personal Story of my own Existential Crisis
My existential crisis began in November 2015. I was 30 years 8 months old.
Note: Coincidentally, my wife also had an existential crisis a couple years after mine — when she was also 30 years 8 months old! While the age was weirdly the same, the crisis was different for each of us (with a little bit of overlap):
– My existential crisis was mostly intrinsic — Who am I? Why am I here? And on and on…
– My wife’s existential crisis was mostly extrinsic — How did we all get here? How do we define “here?” Why are we doing what we’re doing when we live on one tiny rock in a gigantic universe? What is out in space? Does space even exist? Do we even exist?
I was working insane hours at my job — and had been for the better part of the entire year. This meant consistently working 60/70/80-hour weeks. There were a couple moments I distinctly remember when it hit its worst.
In June 2015, I had a warning sign. I completely blanked in a huge presentation. This was after getting 2-3 hours of sleep the night before. The lack of sleep had already been compounding for weeks, if not months. I think I had a mini anxiety/panic attack, was short of breath, couldn’t catch my breath, rapid heartbeat, and blanked. Completely. I probably spoke for less than a minute before just passing it on to the next presenter. It was bad.
But, of course the warning sign wasn’t enough for me to change my ways. Fast forward a few months to November 2015.
I had no free time. I wasn’t sleeping. I distinctly remember trying to go to bed at night and staring at the ceiling of our bedroom. It was late (as usual), but I couldn’t fall asleep. My heart was racing. Anxiety at an all-time high. I could not calm myself down enough to fall asleep. No amount of deep breaths were working. I stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. I was physically killing myself to work. My story is eerily similar to Parker J. Palmer’s from his book Let Your Life Speak:
- “I was in my early thirties when I began, literally, to wake up to questions about my vocation. By all appearances, things were going well, but the soul does not put much stock in appearances. Seeking a path more purposeful than accumulating wealth, holding power, winning at competition, or securing a career, I had started to understand that it is indeed possible to live a life other than one’s own. Fearful that I was doing just that—but uncertain about the deeper, truer life I sensed hidden inside me, uncertain whether it was real or trustworthy or within reach—I would snap awake in the middle of the night and stare for long hours at the ceiling.”
- Why am I doing this to myself?
- How did I get to this point?
- What am I doing with my life?
- Is this really what I’m here to do?
- Why are we even here? Why do we exist? Why does anything exist??
This lasted for six weeks. I had to give myself a self-imposed deadline (New Year’s Day 2016), or it would have kept going indefinitely.
I self-diagnosed myself as being in the midst of an existential crisis (or at least high existential angst). All my free time outside of work was dedicated to this search and discovery. If only I could go back and see my Google search history.
I read. And searched. And read. And searched. I watched documentaries and shows about the universe, and planet, and nature. I took 26 pages of notes on topics like: purpose and meaning, gratitude, happiness, time, hierarchy of needs, creativity, death, future trends, thought experiments, the universe, Earth, humanity, and more. I learned a ton of amazing things like there are an estimated 4,200 religions on Earth and the average lifespan of someone in the U.S. today is only 1% of recorded human history. Many of those notes have ended up on this site as posts.
I then shared all my notes with my family and titled it, “How to Have an Existential Crisis.” However, there was no “how” included in the notes. Just notes. Notes that helped set perspective.
Most life-changing for me, this was the time that all my searching led me to simple and slow living. I discovered things like the slow movement, essentialism, ikigai (the Japanese “reason for being”) and the Blue Zones.
And then what happened?
My dad told me I’d come out better on the other side. I believe he was right. While not much fun during the process, you certainly come out the other side with a complete perspective reset. Reflecting back on it, it’s an amazing time of self-discovery, opening your mind and worldview, educating yourself on humanity, the planet, universe, and everything in it. I’ve rewired the default setting of my mind. There is a certain lightness to life that comes with the newfound perspective.
What I didn’t do was spend the next two years in bliss on a park bench like spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle after his aha moment:
- “I dwelt in states of such indescribable bliss and sacredness that even the original experience I just described pales in comparison. A time came when, for a while, I was left with nothing on the physical plane. I had no relationships, no job, no home, no socially defined identity. I spent almost two years sitting on park benches in a state of the most intense joy.” — Eckhart Tolle
Instead, I went back to work. And I continued learning and finding/creating my purpose on the side.
I struggled every single day with what I had learned vs. what I was doing and how I was living. During my existential crisis, I went deep on personal purpose and the current epidemics of busyness and unconscious consumption.
Previously, I had no idea there was another way (or a way out) of how I had been living. I had followed the typical path in Western society (aka the American Dream): go to school, get a job, and then get another (better) job, and then get another better job (that pays more), etc. I followed this path without questioning a thing for over a decade. Sports car and suburb McMansion included. Totally guilty of lifestyle inflation.
- “Being-in-the-world is examined closely in an existential crisis and, often, there are no answers to one’s questions. It typically is an experience of feeling completely untethered, existentially alone and lost – even despite one having a wealth of loving friends and family, a successful career and professional reputation, material acquisitions, and religious/spiritual faith.” — Jason Winkler
More and more things and experiences offered no long-term fulfillment. I was more miserable than ever. Many people already know money can’t buy happiness (well, to a point), but knowing and doing are two different things. I thought I knew too, but it took me doing and living it to really learn. So, what was missing? There’s one quote that I keep coming back to that I believe summed everything up for me:
- “I’ve learned that there is nothing more consistent with unhappiness than spending your time in a way that doesn’t serve who you are.” — Scott Dinsmore
Since late 2015, I’ve been working on many different aspects of intentional, slow, and simple living: downshifting, minimalism, digital minimalism, voluntary simplicity, and conscious consumption.
And, two and a half years later, I became a corporate dropout and quit my six-figure, 9-to-5 job to dedicate my time and energy to sharing the life-changing benefits of simple and slow living with as many people as possible.
This site exists to share everything I’ve learned and everything I’m still exploring with you. I truly believe I’ve discovered a secret of living a purposeful, balanced, peaceful life. But really, ancient wisdom and modern research have known this “secret” for a long time.
- “To live voluntarily…is to live conscientiously and deliberately, and to live more simply is to unencumber oneself in all aspects of life in order to ‘(meet) life face to face.’ In short, voluntary simplicity is ‘outwardly more simple and inwardly more rich.’” — Duane Elgin
I want to meet life face to face.
7 Ways to Positively Overcome your own Existential Crisis
Ask “why” about everything. Read and watch as much as possible about humanity, the planet, and the universe. The more you learn, the more you’ll start to realize the oneness and interconnectedness of everything. You’ll likely also begin to understand the difference between doing vs being. Remember that the definition of an existential crisis is a “moment” or “turning point.” Use this as an aha moment to create awareness and set perspective.
- “The mind once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimension.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes
- “Many people who are going through the early stages of the awakening process are no longer certain what their outer purpose is. What drives the world no longer drives them. Seeing the madness of our civilization so clearly, they may feel somewhat alienated from the culture around them. Some feel that they inhabit a no-man’s land between two worlds. They are no longer run by the ego, yet the arising awareness has not yet become fully integrated into their lives. Inner and outer purpose have not merged.” — Eckhart Tolle
Research shows we retain very little of what we read. Taking notes will help you remember information and also connect dots and create insights. I still find it incredibly helpful to revisit my notes from five years ago. And, you may be able to share them with others in the future to help them out too.
- “Don’t just say you have read books. Show that through them you have learned to think better, to be a more discriminating and reflective person. Books are the training weights of the mind. They are very helpful, but it would be a bad mistake to suppose that one has made progress simply by having internalized their contents.” — Epictetus
- “The best thing a human being can do is to help another human being know more.” — Charlie Munger
Research shows we spend the vast majority of our modern lives indoor. Your mind is highly active during an existential crisis, but what about your body? Don’t neglect physical movement during this time. Even something as simple as a short walk outside can be a restorative break and take your mind off things. Do some forest bathing, or try to do something that replicates the astronaut overview effect. Scientists and researchers are beginning to study the positive effects of awe on the brain. There’s nothing more awe-inspiring than the natural world.
- “Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountains is going home; that wildness is a necessity; and that mountain parks and reservations are useful not only as fountains of timber and irrigating rivers, but as fountains of life. Awakening from the stupefying effects of the vice of over-industry and the deadly apathy of luxury, they are trying as best they can to mix and enrich their own little ongoings with those of Nature, and to get rid of rust and disease.” ― John Muir
- “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” — Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
This may be difficult when you’re in the midst of a crisis, but remember that we are lucky to have been born in the modern world:
- “In a way, your so-called life purpose crisis is a luxury, something you’re allowed to have as a result of the amazing freedoms the modern world has bestowed upon you.” — Mark Manson
- “As tribal cultures developed into the ancient civilizations, certain functions began to be allotted to certain people: ruler, priest or priestess, warrior, farmer, merchant, craftsman, laborer, and so on. A class system developed. Your function, which in most cases you were born into, determined your identity, determined who you were in the eyes of others, as well as in your own eyes. Your function became a role, but it wasn’t recognized as a role: It was who you were, or thought you were. Only rare beings at the time, such as the Buddha or Jesus, saw the ultimate irrelevance of caste or social class, recognized it as identification with form and saw that such identification with the conditioned and the temporal obscured the light of the unconditioned and eternal that shines in each human being. In our contemporary world, the social structures are less rigid, less clearly defined than they used to be. Although most people are, of course, still conditioned by their environment, they are no longer automatically assigned a function and with it an identity. In fact, in the modern world, more and more people are confused as to where they fit in, what their purpose is, and even who they are.” — Eckhart Tolle
In online communities or in the real world with a significant other, family member, or friend that you sincerely trust. Real friends will support and encourage you. My wife lived through my existential crisis with me. And, I was there for her when she was having hers.
Start by slowing down. My crisis lasted 6 weeks. I’m sure others are shorter and some are longer. Take it at your own pace. Don’t rush the search.
- “We don’t mind spending 15 years on education, why not the same to become a better human being?” — Matthieu Ricard
- “Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.” ― Bill Gates
An existential crisis can help you “push off the bottom” with a blank canvas. Choosing to create purpose comes after this important turning point. You can turn your newfound awareness into action and have the rest of your life to create your masterpiece.
- “Once we know and are aware, we are responsible for our action and our inaction. We can do something about it or ignore it. Either way, we are still responsible.” — Jean-Paul Sartre
- “We can all agree that the unexamined life is not worth living…but if all you’re doing is examining, you’re not living.” — Adam Leipzig
Bonus Tip (from my wife): “It’s certainly changed my perspective for the better. I’ve always looked at things from other angles, but I’m looking at life from angles that I didn’t know previously existed. Here’s my philosophy on life: Respectfully question everything; we know nothing.”
Update 12/21/20: I’m working on an online course about life purpose launching in 2021! It will be a detailed guide outlining how I’ve found and created my own life purpose over the last five years since my existential crisis. Please sign up for email or follow socially to be notified when it is available. Thank you!
Also, I published a few new posts you may find beneficial:
– What is Your Purpose in Life? 10 Deep Thoughts to Guide Your Hero’s Journey to Finding Life Purpose
In the meantime, you can see all posts on the site about life purpose here.
Some of my favorites:
– Japanese Approach: The Truth about Ikigai: Definitions, Diagrams & Myths about the Japanese Life Purpose
– Japanese Approach Evolved: Ikigai 2.0: Evolving the Ikigai Diagram for Life Purpose (& Why and How it Needs to be Redesigned)
– How I used it: My Ikigai 2.0 — A Detailed Personal Ikigai Example of How to Find Your Life Purpose
– Spiritual Approach: Your Purpose on “A New Earth” (Eckhart Tolle Book Summary #2)
– Religious Approach: Eternal Purpose: “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren (Book Summary)
– Simple Approach: Life Purpose: “The Crossroads of Should and Must” by Elle Luna (Book Summary)
– Inspirational Short Story: Edit Your Purpose: The Story of the Cracked Pot
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Sources:
- http://www.davidsongifted.org/Search-Database/entry/A10269
- https://ramblingsofmymind2.wordpress.com/2015/09/02/who-am-i/
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis
- https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/midlife-crisis/what-is-an-existential-crisis-and-how-can-it-be-resolved/
- https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2015/04/existential-anxiety-stress-and-meaning-making-in-your-life
- http://sengifted.org/existential-depression-in-gifted-individual/
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existentialism
This post has certainly help me identify that I am indeed at the start of my existential crisis.. However I’m no closer to finding my purpose haha. I really love some of the quotes you’ve shared, they provide me some relief from anxiety of the pressure of decision making.
Thanks for taking a moment to comment. The start can be tough, but stick with it and just take it day by day. At the beginning, don’t worry too much about purpose or decision making yet. Instead, focus on setting/resetting perspective. Keep your mind open, and try to search and discover as much as you can. Taking notes really is helpful; I still revisit my notes years later.
The great news is that you now have awareness. And…”Awareness is the greatest agent for change.” – Eckhart Tolle
Thank you, this article was very interesting. But so many things are superficial in this life; they cant be escaped. How can I find my ‘purpose’ if all I’m doing by your proposed research is wallowing in the utter pointlessness of being in life? How do I even know I have a ‘purpose’ and what does that term even mean? I am stuck in the endless cycle of work so that I can make enough money to survive. But if I don’t work and try to find ‘my purpose’ (on the assumption that I have one), I will die. I have to follow the system or I cant afford to live. And the system is inescapable…is the only way to live off the land like a hermit for the rest of my days? I don’t know. (Sorry about the rant lol, I’m just so confused as to why I should even bother with working if it means nothing anyway). Thank you for your help though, it did aid me.
Good questions, Marcus. And, there’s no problem with ranting around here.
I actually believe that opening and expanding your mind through searching / reading / researching / etc are the opposite of wallowing in pointlessness. I like Maslow’s point of view on this:
“At the highest levels of development of humanness, knowledge is positively rather than negatively correlated with a sense of mystery, awe, humility, ultimate ignorance, reverence, and a sense of oblation.”
The more you learn, the more you realize you don’t know. This is truly humbling. Human intelligence is a fraction of universal intelligence.
There are a lot of articles on the site about purpose that I’d encourage you to check out. Also, there’s quite a bit about money and work. Personally, I still worked at my day job for years during and after my crisis while I attempted to discover/create my purpose. Everyone is in a different situation, but I’m sure most of us will need to work on purpose “on the side” while we are still bringing in some form of income. Others will discover that their purpose actually has nothing to do with their paying job (e.g. like being a great parent).
Ultimately, I believe in a combination of fate and self-determination. As someone anonymous once told me: “Row, with respect for the flow of the river.”
Your beliefs impact your behaviors which impact who you become.
If you believe you have no purpose, then you don’t.
If you believe you may / could / should have a purpose, then you do.
“Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.” — Henry Ford
Hi Kyle,
I’m 26 and am going through an existential crisis. I was originally diagnosed with depression around a year ago but I could never quite explain the issues I felt deep within to any doctor or therapist. I have only recently self diagnosed myself as someone experiencing existential crisis and I feel really unmotivated and just stuck in life.
I’m actually a Muslim by faith and believe in God wholeheartedly. I believe my purpose in life is to serve God and be a good person towards everyone else. So I feel like I have purpose. But I feel unworthy and crap about myself to the extent I just lay in bed not wanting to fulfil my purpose and this makes me feel irritated with myself moreso.
It all feels too much with all the pressure of society, I feel like i cant be me. I do have low self esteem and confidence issues too. I would love some insight from yourself? Thank you
Hi Medina, peace be unto you .
Just thought I’d share some of my story in hopes it might provide some solace.
I just turned 30, I too was diagnosed with depression last year much to my surprise. I was raised and am a practicing Muslim. I always felt a connection to spirituality from a young age and believed in humanities capacity for goodness in spite of the pressures society. I struggle when there is a dissonance between modern societal norms and Muslim tradition. It is, was and I’m guessing always will be a struggle, a jihad if you will, jihad in the sense of a spiritual struggle within myself.
I do not claim to have transcended this struggle but with help from others, for example this awesome article by Mr.Kowalski, and a higher power I feel at least a little better about it, finding some solace in not feeling alone.
Thank you for sharing your story, ismail! I think you’re right that this is an ongoing struggle. Even transcending it or becoming enlightened isn’t a permanent state if/when it’s reached. The more I’ve learned, the more I’ve come to think that humanity’s journey must align human-made systems with Nature-made systems to decrease the friction of our self-inflicted struggles in the outer world. I wrote a bit about this recently:
50+ Deep Perspectives on Humanity’s Underlying & Ultimate Challenge (Hint: Ourselves)
Hey Kyle, thank you so much for this article. It really helped put the things I already innately knew into a different perspective. I’m going through an existential crisis right now (It’s drawing to a close however).
This is not my first existential crisis. I’ve had several other periods of 4-6 weeks from when I was 13 ( I’m 22 now) when I had thoughts about trying to find meaning in the big picture, scared about dying, not being remembered, losing loved ones and missing out on life.
I always used to push these thoughts away from my mind and occupy myself with other day to day aspects of life other than facing the bleak reality. But thee thoughts always used to come back to haunt me.
But I know this time is going to be different. I know that there needn’t be any triggers to bring on an existential crisis and it’s perfectly normal to have one. We’re even considered gifted as you mentioned in your article.
I feel like I have to stop looking for meaning in the universe and try to find meaning within myself and try to bring love and meaning into other people’s lives.
I’ve done a lot of reasearch on this topic and I’m confident that my life will improve significantly with all this added freedom given to me.
Also, I don’t have to seek recognition and praise from other people and live life on their terms. This article helped me put my thoughts in a structured perspective and I’ll be forever thankful for that.
Also, I’ve learnt that by facing my fears and understanding my fate and it’s certainty, it’s given me more freedom than ever.
Thank you so much and would love to hear your response. Love you and stay safe. ♥️
You got it, Kevin! Glad to hear your crisis is nearing the light at the end of the tunnel. I think you’re definitely on the right track regarding finding meaning, and your newfound perspective sounds great. I definitely feel like my life has substantially improved since my crisis. I often refer to periods of my life now as pre-crisis and post-crisis. It does feel like there was some sort of awakening that opened the door for personal growth and development toward full potential. Since you are nearing the end of your crisis, you may be at a great point to transition from crisis into discovery of purpose. There’s a ton on the site about how to find and create your life purpose. All the best!
Hi Medina,
Just wanted to offer some support scrolling through this blog, hope the author offers some of his feedback as for others on here for you as well, but no matter:
what youre describing is a normal aspect of growing up. having turned 30, I remember similar thoughts few years back. we live in a time where the plethora of options can overwhelm us instead of help us. So instead my dear i suggest you find beauty in simplicity.
You dont have to save the world, nor cure cancer (though great if u do!) to be a good person. You can serve god with your pure and good intentions, to having compassion towards fellow man and leave the rest to god. Some of the greatest acts of honour and seflessness in history come from the simplest, humblest people that didnt even believe they were doing much. Too many stories I heard of someone saying a stranger’s smile saved them from giving up. If we’re not god, then we cannot lay judgement on ourselves or others. All we can do is our best…as humans.
ease the pressure off of yourself and youll give permission for your gifts to emerge. then, pick one and dedicate your intention on servitude using that gift. voila. youre only human, no more would be expected 🙂 life will then rush in with its wonder, and with a grateful heart, this too can be an act of worship.
Hope that helps! let love in,blessed be 🙂
“Find beauty in simplicity” is great advice, Eva! I completely agree.
“Everything is simpler than we can imagine, at the same time more complex and intertwined than can be comprehended.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Also, great point that even the smallest acts can have a big impact.
“Put your heart, mind, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.” — Swami Sivananda
In terms of finding your gifts and picking one to serve with, I highly recommend Ikigai and Ikigai 2.0.
Hi Medina! Don’t feel bad about not being able to put your feelings into words. The more I’ve learned, the more I’ve realized that human language only goes so far. There’s an entire dimension of feelings, senses, and mystery of life that can’t sufficiently be put into words.
That’s wonderful that you feel like you already have purpose through religion/spirituality. I’ve found spiritual growth to be a key ingredient for myself over the last few years. Here are a few things to consider that may be helpful:
– Instead of thinking about it as “your life to live,” think about it as “life living you.” What if you changed your perspective: instead of putting all the pressure on yourself, allowing God to live through you?
“Instead of asking, ‘What do I want from life?’, a more powerful question is, ‘What does life want from me?'” – Eckhart Tolle
– Something I’ve been thinking about lately is the concept of responsibility. Most people automatically associate responsibility in the personal sense (eg I must do it for myself). But, I’ve found responsibility to be much more powerful if it’s a sense of responsibility for something/someone else (eg I must do it for others). It reminds me of Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning as well as Maslow’s The Farther Reaches of Human Nature:
“The self only finds its actualization in giving itself to some higher goal outside oneself, in altruism and spirituality.” – Maslow
– Lastly, do you feel like you know spirituality with your mind, your Being, or both? The story of Siddhartha outlines a very nice journey that highlights the difference between knowing spiritual concepts in your mind vs knowing spirituality beyond mind.
I truly hope some of this is beneficial!
I’ve recently experienced an existential crisis due to my religion being shaking up. I feel like life’s purpose is to experience love. I think it’s the one thing that truly drives us to live. Without it, we become suicidal.
However, to find your purpose in life, I recommend asking yourself what’s your interests or talents and how can you use them to make the world better. You’re successful as long as you’re adding to the quality of life rather than taking away from it. Lastly, your career choices are limitless as long as you have breath. Do what makes you happy.
Experiencing, sharing, and spreading love certainly seems like a worthwhile endeavor, Diallo!
Regarding asking yourself about your interests/talents and how you can use them to make the world better, I recommend following Ikigai and Ikigai 2.0.
Regarding happiness, I did a deep dive that you may find interesting:
– Happiness 101: The Beginner’s Guide for How to be Happy (Money, Simplicity, Relationships, Culture)
– Happiness 201: The Advanced Guide for How to be Happy Psychologically (Expectations, Practice, Choice, Purpose)
– Happiness 301: The Master’s Guide for How to be Happy Spiritually (Presence, Letting Go, Transcendence, Joy)
Thank you for this amazing post, reading through it helps me a lot in overcoming my own crisis. Even though I only found it when I’m almost at the end of my own. This post is certainly a much more insightful and detailed description than all the other post I have found so far on the internet.
Thank you, George! I’m thrilled that this post was a positive resource for you. Sounds like we’ve probably read a lot of the same articles that are out there. So glad to hear you are nearing the end of the crisis and the beginning of the next chapter.
This post is wonderful! I am currently going through existential angst myself, and as you mentioned there isn’t much credible or helpful information on the internet to guide you through this. Your article helped calm my anxiety, and several of these quotes really resonated with me. I am already starting to see a positive change in my perspective and I can’t wait to see my own growth on the other side! Cheers to being one of the gifted! 🙂
Thanks, Hayley! So glad some of the quotes resonated with you and that you are starting to see the positive. Cheers!
I have the same kind of extrinsic existential crisis as your wife but I am only 15 years old. This year has been such a roller coaster in my mind because i had 2 massive life changing breakdowns and I’ve become aware of so many things and of myself and it is amazing my life is truly amazing and I am forever thankful it’s just that for the last couple of months I would get this intense feeling on a normal day that everything is so weird. What is reality, do we have a soul, what happens when we die, i could be anywhere in the whole universe and i am here, i look at places so much differently and i just zoom out of every situation and see myself in it. My room isn’t the same, sometime objects seem shapeless and non existent. It’s like I’m watching a movie with a f***ed up plot and then it hits me really hard that this is not a movie: this is reality. We know so little and there are SO so many possibilities and unimaginable things. When I was only 7 years old I would ask my father Why am I me? Why am I not you or someone else, why am I myself? And honestly idk how i thought of that at the age of seven that’s crazy, but the same question is still bugging me. And also… Life on other planets. Like…. Right at this moment there is some unknown living being on another planet or in another universe. It is so unimaginable that this is… Reality. Sorry if this is all over the place, I just want to share this with someone because I feel sort of alone. Thank you for this article.
Hi Enea! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. As you’ve likely seen through your searching, you aren’t alone! There are a lot of us out there that have experienced an existential crisis or existential anxiety/angst. It’s wonderful that you already have a positive outlook and gratitude for life. At 15 years old, you have the opportunity and time to open your mind to a wide variety of interesting subjects. Elon Musk had his existential crisis when he was a teenager. Keep asking questions. Keep learning.
“The most important thing you learn in school is how to learn.” — Derrick Fung
Hello. I am 19 years old and I have been having the exact same feeling as Enea. I have become so aware of myself that when I remember something, I am aware that I remembered that and I wonder why and how can we remember and did the thing we remember actually happen? Is this real? I was hoping to learn from Enea. Thank you for the article. It was the best I could find. Thanks.
Hi Enea, I’m 16 years old and have very recently started experiencing an existential-crisis similar to yours and it’s been so difficult to navigate through it. I know I’m just a stranger on the internet so you might not respond to this but if you want to please reach out, it would mean a lot for me to be able to share my experience with someone going through similar struggles.
I’m going through the exact same thing and it’s so nice to hear that I’m not alone. I’m 15 and even though I’ve seemed to be in the same state for months now i seem to just now try to be figuring out everything, or at least starting somewhere I hope. I feel like I’m not real, reality is so messed up right now for me. I’m in my head and trapped there. And it’s scary. I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m terrified of everything in general right now, so if any of you would like to chat with me and talk about these feelings please feel free to email me baileestevenson123@gmail.com
Firstly, this article is absolutely amazing and I love the intellectual community it speaks to. Also, as Ive been working through my own crisis I’ve found a few things that have greatly helped me along the way – maybe they’ll help someone else too – 1) we are all here for a definite reason, even if that reason is just to fill up a place in time, just because we exist… if that makes sense. Everything that exists physically in the universe has the ability to impact something else, and therefore has purpose. That’s been enough for me to continue living lol
2) we can’t really control when extential thoughts or anxiety will hit so accepting that it will happen reguardless of wether we like it or not helps because you can actually use anxiety to your advantage. Let your thoughts flow freely because that’s called true curiosity and that’s how new discoveries are made. If it was to much for our brains we wouldn’t be able to think about it at all – I think that’s how neuroscience works.
3) being aware of a harsh reality is the first step in fixing quality of life and making it better, which we totally have the power to do because we exist 🙂 I promice that “seeing life like watching a movie” and “tingling feelings in limbs” are all just scientifically proven side effects of severe anxiety, not loosing touch with the physical reality or something.
Again, thanks so much for the article x) Because of this and other stories I’ve read I’ve been able to “explore” my crisis rather than run from it and I actually kind of like it… it’s almost fun to think about these things. Accepting or giving into the crisis and truly letting it fuel my curiosity, though terrifying at first, has almost completely gotten rid of my anxiety.
Cheers to all the dreamers out there;)
-15yrs
Great insights, Erin! Thanks so much for sharing. I’m thrilled to hear you are embracing your crisis, exploring it instead of running from it, and using it as fuel for curiosity. I also found that my crisis was when my curiosity was at its highest.
Love your point #1: “Everything that exists physically in the universe has the ability to impact something else, and therefore has purpose.” It reminds me of this quote:
Hello! I just wanted to say thank you for this comment. It’s everything that my brother has been telling me as well (who had an existential crisis much earlier on). When you get into that bad headspace, sometimes it is just so hard to wrap your head around everything that is around you or what reality even means or what we are doing on this planet (or what anyone is doing here). It’s the scariest feeling I have ever experienced in my life before. There are many questions that I ask myself which I don’t think I will ever have an answer for and I am trying to learn to accept that and embrace that. I miss my ‘former’ self where I just enjoyed life and even questioned it, but it never made me worried or feel scared as if I didn’t understand what was happening. I really appreciate everything you said and I am trying to embrace this ‘new’ me and take everything that I am feeling and learning and using it live a better life. If there is no real purpose, then I might as well have fun and do everything that makes me happy. These feelings of anxiety definitely come at any point in time and sometimes get better and then get worse. It’s the strangest thing of all. This all started happening after I had a health scare and had to get surgery. Before this I never had any anxiety or other symptoms. I just loved my life. Appreciate reading all these posts and responses to know I am not alone.
Seriously i am 28 and i am completely like you! I was wondering why i am seeing through my eyes at the age of 10 and why i an me than i panicked by consciousness(who is the guy speaking in my head and understood it) than i have all these you have right now sometimes everything seems odd
Hello Enea, I really identify with you when you say that at 7 you questioned why in the whole universe you resulted to be you, not a person that lives across the street, someone on the other side of the world or someone in another time. I used to have this thought when I was around 8, and it still intrigues me. Hope that by now you know yourself better after all the struggles I’m sure you had to go through. A hug.
Thanks for your article and sharing your thoughts. Also, congratulations you were on the first page of Google!
I have been through a few existential crisis points / dark night of the soul points in my life. I read your article and am looking forward to checking out some of the links you shared to get a better understanding.
Thank you, robherr! Even 3 years after my crisis, I still find myself going back to topics and concepts I first discovered back then.
“The mind once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimension.” — Oliver Wendell Holmes
Thank you for this, I’m going through this now and it really is a perfect storm of headf*ckery.
It sure is, Helena. You’ll get a massive dose of perspective through your searching and come out on the other side with the opportunity to live more intentionally and purposefully.
Thanks for your article..
I am also going through existential crises..I am 21 years old and I am figuring out what is core reason behind it..I have a self doubt also and I get disturbed some times..why am here and what is the purpose of life makes me feel more anxious..
I thought I was very different from others but after reading your article I know that existential crises is normal for those people who think deeply..
Join the club, Sakshi! The more you search, the more people you’ll find who have gone through an existential crisis. Check out the Reddit and Quora links I mentioned in the post to find a whole community of people.
I didn’t realise I was having an existential crisis until i finally typed into google some questions I’ve had, I genuinely thought I was going crazy at first. I have GAD recently diagnosed and had CBT which was helpful with my anxiety, I was on my way to work (I work 6 days a week over 50 hours and I’m at college training to be a therapist (we havent touched on this subject yet so im going to bring up the topic) and the questions just spiralled and made me feel like I was seperated from myself, I felt like a hamster on a wheel I HAD to be on. when I tried talking to my therapist about how I was thinking she just put it down to high anxiety so I didn’t search for the answers to the swirling questions about my existence I just kept telling myself its just fight or flight, looking at this site and learning that others ask the exact same terrifying questions has eased my mind greatly as the questions about my existence or the existence of anything has plagued me but I ran from them, so I will slowly search for answers even if it frightens me. Thank you for some piece of mind when I thought mine was going.
Thank you, Nic! There’s an incredible number of people experiencing the same thing. We’re all in this together.
This article is very helpful for people experiencing existential crisis. Thank you for sharing your tips. We are a new organisation hoping to embody the same advocacy.
Thanks, You Are Here. I’m glad to hear there are organizations like you joining the cause!
Thank you for sharing this! 29 years old, I just started experiencing my existential crisis and I thought I was losing it. I even considered going to get mental help. I love my life, I have a great husband and 3 children that mean everything to me. This year has been tough on my career and maybe that’s why I have been feeling this way? Not sure but I’m glad I’m not alone.
You’re definitely not alone, Silvia! You may be surprised to see how many of us have gone (or are going) through it. As someone who experienced it around your same age, I like to think we have over half our lives to now live intentionally!
Thank you for this post. I am going through the beginning or an existential crisis right now. I’m 17 and I don’t know if I have the right tools to get through it. But this really helped.
Sure thing, Oliver! All the world’s information is at your fingertips. You are at a great age to be open-minded, try a bunch of different things, and figure out your strengths and what you enjoy most. A lot of people think they can just create a purpose in their head, but it takes doing. For instance, if I want to be a writer, I need to be writing daily.
“Lots of people want to be the noun without doing the verb.” — Austin Kleon
Wow, thx. Your message is really powerful. And it is strange how close your story is to mine. I have probably been in this crises for 2 years…..not the best 2 years of my life but I have this exceptional desire to push myself…..well almost into the grave but thank God for small mercies where a doctor told me there is nothing wrong with me I just need to go slower and experience life and thank goodness she did not try to push pills down my throat. Thank you for living your life Kyle so that I can….learn how to live mine
Wow, thank you Leeann! I just recently celebrated the 3-year anniversary of my crisis in November. All of us in the modern world can learn that the best things in life begin with slowing down.
“Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.” ― Plato
I’m crying. This resonated with me on such a deep and emotional level. I’ve been going through this on and off since I was 29. I’m turning 37 in 3 days. I want to be angry with myself for continuously just doing what I believed was right because that’s what you’ve been told (as you mentioned) – get the job, get a better job, keep proving yourself and moving up, earn money… be comfortable. Sadly I’m so far from that it hurts. Every time I stop for my holiday in December I go through the pain and heartache all over again and then I numb it with work and anxiety when I go back to the career in January. I also work those crazy hours (I actually have 3 jobs at my work – long story but this is where I am currently and have been in the company for 11 years now). I feel crazy. People have told me it’s seasonal depression but it definitely isn’t. I don’t know if this is the life I should be living and it may well be but how do I know for sure? The older I get the harder it becomes because I feel like I’m missing out on the real truth. It’s been so long and I just hope I can get through this.
So glad this deeply resonated with you. Sounds like we both had our initial crisis around the same age. Interestingly, I also seem to revisit mine annually around this time of year (Nov/Dec). I recently read Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” and it was life-changing for me; I think it could help you as well based on your description. Hang in there! There are lots of us out there going through it (or who have gone through it) and are now trying to create purpose for our lives.
“One thing we do know: Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” ― Eckhart Tolle
How do you know when the crisis is over? I have been having my crisis on and off about death; it is pretty acute right now. It’s like a dog walking by my side all day and night. I find myself thinking of people I have known, or even people on tv, that are dead and I can’t wrap my head around it. I see pictures and I think no you are supposed to be here. Where are you??? You were just here physically talking, moving, etc. and now you are just gone from the planet and my life. Rationally I know people die, but the notion of them disappearing makes me uncomfortable and scared. I am 50 and my parents are elderly. I was watching the Odd Couple, a favorite of mine since I was a kid. As I was watching it I realized they are all dead!!! I wanted to call my friend and tell her I’m watching the Odd Couple and they are all dead. Watching the show I kept thinking no jack klugman and tony randall should be here. Look at them acting and making me laugh for years; they should be here. It’s terrifying to see and feel that. I just brought it up in therapy and she said I’m having a minor existential crisis. So I am started to research; I go all in when trying to understand something. Thanks for your help!
Hi Traci, thanks for the question and insights! I also have the “go all in” personality type :). Based on my experience, the acute portion of the crisis dissipates over time (everyone is different, but mine lasted six weeks). However, the experience/learnings can stay with you for the long haul (I still think about mine and revisit my notes three years later). It can be a pivotal moment that alters/pivots your life in a different direction; I’ve been attempting to live more intentionally ever since my crisis.
In regards to death, I have some quotes here that I like to reference and may be helpful for you. I also just finished reading “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle and “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. They have some good takes on mortality. All the best!
Hey! I might be a little late but, I started having my existensial crisis less than a month back, I thought it was a bunch of different things, anxiety, depression, bi polar disorder and god knows what else. I got so scared until I finally seeked help, and my therapist said the words ‘existential crisis’. I did some research, very light although, and found this page! I finally have a smile on my face, one that came on and off in social gatherings but would leave me whenever I’d be alone. From questions like, am I doing the right thing? Should I leave my college? Where do I belong? Why am I here? to What is life after death? are just some of the bizzare questions and thoughts I’ve had on and off. I dealt with anxiety before and so its escalated at this time.
I will begin my research, write down my thoughts and get a little crazy before I get a little calm. But thank you, so much. This makes me feel like i’m not alone at all, like there comes a time when we all experience this and once we get past it, we come out as versions of ourselves that can truly live, or respectfully live despite the questions that we may not have answers to.
I remember feeling resentful that I was going through this, that it was unfair that my life was so unclear to me. I felt so detached from the world, my friends, my family and their lives. It felt as if I was the only one that felt uncomfortable in this boring pattern we call life. It started when I came home after my winter break, with no routine, immense jet lag and a sudden curiosity for what life was and who I was. I felt like I lost myself.
Reading this post makes me realise I’m not lost, I’m just growing into myself and its an uncomfortable ride but once its over, itll be the most enlightening one.
Thank you!
You aren’t late or alone, Anshita! There’s no better time than now. I struggle with anxiety too; you’ll also hear “existential crisis” in conjunction with “existential anxiety.” I’m so glad to hear that this post brought a smile to your face in what can otherwise be a tough time. Keep asking questions and searching! The world needs more deep thinkers.
I’m so glad I found this when I did! I’m 19 and the other day out of nowhere and for no reason I had a sudden perspective change and I just started to question existence, and life and death and so on. I’ve had trouble with OCD and derealization for a while now and it’s been hard to distinguish weather or not it was just me playing on that or something else. As much as this experience has really freaked me out, it’s something I already know I will come out the other side better for i.e- I can now relate to what “ego death” feels like and it seems that I’m now more concerned about just being nice to others and less focused on material things. What you have written has really helped me out and I thank you for that! I know it’s probably gonna be a little longer until I have fully come out the other side of this “existential crisis” but I feel so much more relief having read this 🙂
I’m glad you landed here, Liam! I grew up with what I believe were OCD tendencies that seemed to fade over time. If you’ve already learned the downsides of materialism, then you are a decade ahead of me! Happy to offer some relief on your journey.
“The more you know, the less you need.” — Yvon Chouinard
Hi Kyle, I have very recently started experiencing an existential-crisis and it’s been the most difficult thing I’ve experienced in all 16 years of my life. I didn’t know what to do up until I stumbled upon your article and it gave me hope and relief. I’ve been feeling hopeless and depressed but your article showed me that there is a way out of this. When you defined this crisis as “moment” and a “turning point” in life, it brought tears to my eyes because I was worried that I might not ever be able to recover from this emptiness I was starting to feel but reading your and your wife’s experience I felt like I wasn’t alone. I related to your wife’s crisis more and when I read it I let out sigh of relief knowing that there were other people like me. So I would just like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this article, it helped me in way a that words can’t express. Thank you.
You are very welcome, Sehaj! I agree with you that my existential crisis has been the toughest experience of my life. But, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Looking back, I now see a definitive turning point between “unconscious living before crisis” and “conscious living after crisis.” Life feels much clearer and simpler now. I’m so happy you found some hope from this post.
“Hope is passion for the possible.” — Søren Kierkegaard
Get a study bible, and study it. Study that, logic, math, physics, and philosophy. Discover the connections, meditate, talk to yourself. I can’t tell you how beneficial deep conversations with yourself about anything and everything can be.
I can understand how hopeless it could feel to be floating aimlessly in a void with nothing to grab onto. Studying those things above gives you a framework of beliefs that you can actually grab onto. The laws of reality, the universe, and the God who wrote them.
The genuine belief that I can do anything, instilled into me by the bible, is what allowed me to choose my purpose in life.
“Discover the connections” is a great insight, Nick. I was amazed at the connections I found between spirituality and religion. I even wrote a post comparing two of the top religious and spirituality books on life purpose: Life Purpose Showdown: 55 Ways Eckhart Tolle (“A New Earth”) & Rick Warren (“Purpose Driven Life”) Say the Same Thing
An excellent work performed in the above blog. Great job!
Thank you, glad it was beneficial!
I started feeling very hollow and lost a while ago. I have a sense of not knowing who I am or where I belong in this world. I have so much guilt for the pain I’ve caused people in my life due to mental health and even that I question is it real or is it just because I’m lost. I question who am I without all the labels or am I the person the labels say I am. I’m not sure what is happening to/for me and then came upon your page so maybe this is the answer. Maybe it’s an existential crisis of sorts maybe I’m just over thinking. How does one navigate through this all when partners don’t believe in anything like this or even counselling? I thought that when I came out as being gay that was my answer. I guess that’s only part of the answer. Any practical ideas/suggestions to help would be amazing. Any resources that might help? Especially through art. I hope this makes sense. Thanks for listening ?
Thank you for sharing your experience, Justine. Navigating a crisis can be tough and often feels like a solo journey. Even if you don’t have any support in your physical environment, you’ll find a ton of people online who are going through (or have gone through) an existential crisis, existential anxiety/angst, etc.
Your description of not knowing who you are (especially without all the labels) and where you fit in the world matches up perfectly to an Eckhart Tolle quote in the post:
In terms of practical ideas/suggestions and resources, I fully believe opening and expanding your mind to reset your perspective is critical. Here are some things that may help:
– I wrote a very detailed summary of Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose that you may find helpful.
– I also just published a new post that fills in some more gaps explaining why more and more people are having existential crises in the modern world: The Modern Art of Living: With Great Choice comes Great Responsibility
I’ve had existential crises on and off since I was a child but it only got very bad in my 20s where it has become a constant torture everyday. After all this time I don’t think it will ever get resolved.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Dee. We are all on different timelines for our existential crises. Mine initially lasted 6 weeks, but it still comes and goes years later. I do look at it as a pivotal turning point in my life: from unconscious/unintentional living to conscious/intentional living. There are many moments where I still feel like I have a foot in two worlds:
Check out this follow up post I just published for some new thoughts on why so many of us are having existential crises today: The Modern Art of Living: With Great Choice comes Great Responsibility
I’m currently in an existential crisis and need help. I just can’t get these questions out if my head. I’m terrified of death but I’m afraid of living a meaningless life more. I wonder about the machanics of the universe. Like, “Why does matter even exist?” “How/Why did anything come to be?” “Who/what determined the mathematical rules of the universe.” “Is there a universe beyond this one?” “Is there a God?” “If there is a God how did they come to be?” “If there is no God what does that mean will happen to my conciousness when I die?” “Why does time exist?” “Does only a single moment in time exist at once or is time laid out somewhere we can’t understand in this state of conciousness?” “Are there other forms of conciousness we don’t currently recognize?” “What does it feel like to die?” “What would it be like to experience the mind and thought processes of another person or creature?” “Will I be remembered after I die?” “Will I have lived a worthwhile life when my time comes?” “What do we actually know?” “How much of modern science is actually accurate?” We are all clueless and there are no answers. We are all blind steering the blind. We just trust someone else has the answers when in reality there are none. For every question there are several answers but to know with complete knowledge what answer is the best or the most correct is impossible. Our state of mind is so limited and the vastness of existence is unfathomable.
Back in May or June of 2018 I started my long existential journey. It’s nearly March of 2019 and I’m still struggling eminencely. Its caused me to have depression which on some days can get pretty bad and even the beginnings of suicidal thoughts that I battle with what positivity I can muster. I don’t know where to go from here. In that time I’ve decided I want to be an artist traveling the world and inspiring people, I’m laying the ground work for that goal but I’m still afraid for the future.
Your questions are the exact same ones I asked (and am still asking), Brittany. You sound like a very deep thinker with a lot to offer this world. After all your questioning and learning, you probably can relate to these:
Your comment, “I’m terrified of death but I’m afraid of living a meaningless life more” reminds me of this quote:
When life gets really tough and I get down on myself, I remind myself of this:
You have a piece of the puzzle. If you do find yourself spending too much time on the downward spiral of a dark path and can’t seem to shake it, just know there are many resources available to you like 1-800-273-TALK that you can call 24 hours a day.
Remember that you aren’t alone. Check out my latest post to learn a little more about why more and more people are having existential crises: The Modern Art of Living: With Great Choice comes Great Responsibility
It sounds like you’ve already started the process of laying the groundwork for your life purpose. These can be helpful on your journey:
– Spiritual Approach: Your Purpose on “A New Earth” (Eckhart Tolle Book Summary #2)
– Religious Approach: Eternal Purpose: “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren (Book Summary)
– Japanese Approach: Ikigai: The Japanese Purpose or “Reason for Being”
– Simple Approach: Life Purpose: “The Crossroads of Should and Must” by Elle Luna (Book Summary)
– Inspirational Short Story: Edit Your Purpose: The Story of the Cracked Pot
I too believe I’ve experienced an existential crisis at the age of 23. However my experience is slightly different as I was experiencing ‘hallucinations’ which began in summer last year. Basically long story short I was working too many hours whilst trying to graduate university when I was hit with anxiety and stress. I went to see the doctor after experiencing ‘hallucinations’ and voices in my head. My loved ones became increasingly concerned I was remembering conversations with them which never actually happened. However, I now realise these hallucinations were dreams. I was telling myself in my sleep (when I eventually got some) that I needed help with many aspects of my life. I was remembering my whole life and all the struggles I had whilst at school. These memories however were fragmented and some were false, which concerned many people. The doctor put me on medication which seemed to work however my medication was changed 1 week before very important deadlines for university. Obviously this put a ridiculous amount of stress on me and 6 weeks later I was in full blown existential crisis mode. I had no idea how I got to that stage in life however, I was certan I didn’t want to finish university. I was trying to find the point in life and quickly came to the conclusion that people just need to make themselves happy in the best way they can. I still however have no real purpose or know what I want to do with my life! I had various thoughts in my head about life after death and how we got here. I grew up as religious so this heavily influenced my thoughts. I knew what was happening to me as I told myself in a dream however, various doctors and my loved ones still aren’t convinced. When I told them it was an existential crisis nobody knew what it was never mind how it felt! I’m just passed this stage now and back on the medication I was put on in the first place. However, every doctor I have seen are only concerned about having hallucinations and voices in my head. (the voices are my own monologue telling others in my past and present everything I wish I could have said in retrospect). Nobody knows what I’ve actually been through because nobody knows what an existential crisis is! I cannot believe that I figured it out myself in my dreams before any mental health professional. It is shocking how little knowledge people have of this!
Thanks so much for sharing, Hannah. We are similar in the sense that “too many hours” led to our existential crises. Like you, I self-diagnosed myself as being in an existential crisis.
Check out my latest post to learn a little more about why more and more people are having existential crises: The Modern Art of Living: With Great Choice comes Great Responsibility
Also, if you want to work on finding and creating your life purpose, reference these posts:
– Spiritual Approach: Your Purpose on “A New Earth” (Eckhart Tolle Book Summary #2)
– Religious Approach: Eternal Purpose: “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren (Book Summary)
– Japanese Approach: Ikigai: The Japanese Purpose or “Reason for Being”
– Simple Approach: Life Purpose: “The Crossroads of Should and Must” by Elle Luna (Book Summary)
– Inspirational Short Story: Edit Your Purpose: The Story of the Cracked Pot
I’ve had a tough couple of months working in a demanding high-stress environment, weirdly similar to what you’ve described above. How ironic that after a month of my physical and mental health being at an all time low, after trying holistic and medicinal approaches to my issues in order to stay functional to complete my work that is essentially meaningless at this point, that I choose to acknowledge and seek a solution to the crisis I am facing, and I see an update as of yesterday that you are writing a book focused on purposefulness. I am looking forward to it! Thanks for sharing your experiences and research. I am ready to better serve the world from doing things that align with what makes me, me.
Sounds like some synchronicity right there, Coco! So glad you found this post exactly when I made that update. The links to the life purpose posts I mentioned in the update are helpful guides depending on your personal beliefs (spiritual approach, religious approach, etc).
My goal with the life purpose ebook is to give you a comprehensive guide of ancient wisdom, modern research, and the best approaches, along with my own personal experience of the actual steps I took to find/create a purpose coming out of my crisis. It seems many books on meaning and purpose talk about WHY it’s important, but they leave out HOW to do it — the practical and actionable steps you can take to create your own.
You are on the right path by choosing “to acknowledge and seek a solution” — it’s exactly the responsibility I believe we all have and that I outline in this new post that also mentions existential crises: The Modern Art of Living: With Great Choice comes Great Responsibility.
I never had a crisis, never even knew that “existentialism” was a thing, but I came to the conclusion that ultimately the only meaninful purpose of living is to learn because the only thing that matters is figuring out what all of this is.
And when I was a kid, I just did not understand how everyone didn’t even THINK, because how could you have a thinking brain and not realize that your are a fish in a fishbowl with no idea what the water is, what the fishbowl is, and not even a clue about the “outside of the fishbowl”, much less that such a thing exists; without becoming a fanatic about studying and learning as much as you can about the universe, reality, math, physics, chemistry, biology.
I just thought, studied, and learned. There was never a sudden “crisis” or realization, but a continuous stream of tiny epiphanies. I know what prevented a crisis, what started me thinking, was my belief in God and studying the bible and really just meditating on everything, questioning everything, thinking, deep conversations with myself, and searching for answers.
I was taking college calculus, physics, and chemistry in high school and got a deep understanding of the “laws” of physics and thermodynamics, I thought of the existence of “laws” of the universe as profound. The fact that we don’t know what ENERGY actually is as profound. And don’t get me started on how all of existence can be modeled with these things called “numbers” and their mechanics persist even across different number systems. What does that mean?
Off to astrophysics and engineering in college. Quantum mechanics, advanced calculus, discrete math, differential equations, relativity, thermodynamics, classical mechanics, philosophy, computer science, you name it. I went to the edges of what we know, and realized: we still know next to nothing, and most public facing scientists are simply story tellers.
I had wanted to spend my life looking for the answers, but looking at the college faculty taught me that our life spans just are not long enough to figure things out.
Since trying to solve reality would be pointless if I was just going to die before I got to any good parts, I decided to take a detour and make my first life purpose to cure ageing, and help out a lot of people while I’m at it.
For that, I needed a ton of money, the ability to build a massive organization, and people skills; none of which the college professors had. I actually didn’t know any college graduates who had them either. So I dropped out to become an entrepreneur.
That was the closest thing to a crisis, a crisis of realizing the road I had thought to be the way to my purpose was a “dead” end, and having to turn off onto a different road.
As a side note, I was actually in gifted and talented programs all throughout school, so that kind of confirms the first quote in your article
Really great insights, Nick. Thank you for taking the time to share your story.
It truly is a combination of learning, thinking, meditating, questioning, searching, studying and connecting the dots across a multitude of subjects throughout a lifetime. To your point, “a continuous stream of tiny epiphanies.”
“You are a fish in a fishbowl with no idea what the water is” reminded me of this post you may like: 3 Profound Life Lessons from “This is Water” by David Foster Wallace
It’s great that you’ve realized what most people miss: you don’t have to create just one life purpose. You are the Chief Editing Officer of your own life and can edit your purpose at any time:
“Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It’s your masterpiece after all.” ― Nathan W. Morris
This is the best article out there. Thanks for writing this. It would be a great help if you can help me. I am successful, I’m happy and still, I don’t want to exist. I’m not in any kind of pain and I’m not miserable. I’m just tired of living…
Thank you for the kind words, Devansh! Are you “successful” by society’s standards or your own? And, you are happy, but are you deeply fulfilled?
Perhaps you could relate to this quote?
I think a good next step for you would be to define your life purpose (see a few different approaches to creating purpose at the end of the post). Having a self-created purpose gives you a deep reason to live and could change your perspective to this:
Do you ever host talks or lectures or have any way of answer some of our questions? I am going through an existential crisis – one more external, kind of how you described your wife’s- and every time I have felt that I have come out of it, something has propelled me back into it. I think there may be a case of information overload now, where I am reading/watching/taking in so much that I am not sure what to focus on. I think my biggest thing is getting away from the fear of the unknown, which I am not sure is possible. How did you deal with the fact that you will die and we cannot be sure what comes after? Would love to be able to chat with you!
Hi Megan! I haven’t hosted any talks or lectures yet, but I’m still relatively new to writing and blogging. It’s something I hope to experiment with later down the road. So far, I’ve just been responding to each comment on this post to address individual comments and questions as best as I can. If you have more questions, please feel free to leave them here!
My wife and I can totally relate to information overload; we are both very research-oriented and can go down seemingly never-ending rabbit holes on any given topic. We both have to remind each other about the limits of mental bandwidth.
Taking a step back from the information overload is always a good reset. More and more people are practicing digital minimalism or creating “information diets” or “news fasts” where they consume less news and information in general.
Personally, my existential crisis was the most acute experience (six weeks long), but I still have lingering existential anxiety here and there (it’s now been about 3.5 years since my crisis). Since the anxiety is less severe than the crisis, I try to embrace it to open my mind and explore new ideas and information.
Here’s a short summary about how I personally deal with death and the unknown:
1. Set perspective. It’s estimated that 108,000,000,000 humans have ever lived. And, if you live to be the average lifespan in the US, you will have lived for 1% of recorded history. We are just a blip in time and guests on this planet. It may sound counterintuitive, but stats like that make me realize my own insignificance which then provides freedom of fear to do something significant.
2. Find & create your purpose. I’ll be writing a lot more about this topic in the future (including a book or ebook). If you are living your purpose daily, then I believe it’s easier to accept the impermanence of life and the inevitability of death.
Here are some quotes that may also help:
I know this is kind of late- but I want to express my gratitude for this article.
I’m 15, and for the past few months, I haven’t been able to sleep like I used to. I thought that everyone had this, but I didn’t know what it was. Now it’s almost normal for me to go to bed but not sleep until hours afterward… I thought it was insomnia or stress, but it didn’t add up. I’ve been staying up thinking about everything I think I know about. I wanted answers to everything, but all of them meant nothing because it’s just what I think I know. My family is extremely religious, so as soon as I began to question something, I feel bad, wrong, and out of place. It seems like everyone and everything is put into slots and labels, and that’s how everyone wants it… but things aren’t that simple to me anymore. I keep wearing something that I’ll call my “easy mask”. I just pretend like I don’t know what’s going on around me. I like to tell myself I’m just a teenager going through all the wacky hormones and being emotional and that this is how it is for everyone. That soon it’ll be over and things will go back to normal: School, religion, family, and eventually work. It sounds stupid, and it is stupid, but it helps me out. Thankfully my mother helps me through a lot, but I keep most of it inside. It tears me up and makes me sick. I lay in bed and think almost every night, I can’t go right to sleep as my siblings can. I’ve tried to ignore it and think about other things because every time I try to face it I end up spending hours crying. It has been draining me of energy. It’s too much. It is so much easier to keep going along blindly, but it feels wrong and has been putting me off.
I don’t know much, but it’s nice to know what this is! Its good to know I can lose that mask.
Thank you for this article!
There’s no such thing as late, Janelle! Glad you found this article and that it’s helpful on your journey.
As you’ve probably seen in the comments, there are people of all ages experiencing existential crises. Your “easy mask” is a very interesting concept; thank you for sharing about it. Personally, I think questioning, searching, discovering, and creating are very good things if they are done in a positive, open-minded and respectful manner.
The good news is that your point saying “I don’t know much” is the conclusion that every human ever has likely come to!
Thank you for this post! I have had my existential crisis, come out on the other side with a renewed sense of purpose… However, in order to be qualified to do what I am called to do, I am back in graduate school, doing busywork that is killing my soul. I think this is existential stress that I am experiencing. I am very good at what I do and I love doing it… find myself in flow. But in order to make a living at it, I must have credentials. I hope I can hold on for 13 more months to get to that point! Thanks for naming what I am feeling right now!
You are welcome, Em! That’s fantastic that you’ve already seen the light on the other side of the crisis; you are a step ahead of most. I recommend taking the macro or long-term view of your life right now to get through the busywork to get credentials. The average lifespan in the US is 944 months, so 13 months is only 1% of your life! 13 months seems like a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things to get to do what you love.
I am going through an existential crisis, but with no trigger, other than one cat. What has happened to me? Should I just look at how the human mind functions, since that is what really brought me to this? I’m just lost.
Hi Angeleena, an existential crisis can be triggered by many different things or even a combination of multiple things. If you think your mind brought you to your crisis, then it could simply be from overthinking (I do a lot of overthinking). I would encourage you to use this time to open and expand your mind. Curiosity and discovery will give you newfound perspective. The world is an amazing place of newness when you get out of your normal bubble.
I’ve had this type of crisis twice now. The first time was at age 20 in a NEET stage, and I don’t remember how long it lasted. Months maybe. I am currently going through one now at age 30, happily married but with an unfulfilling career. I think it’s winding down now after just over a week, and this post helped a great amount, especially when I saw you dissecting all the top search results, with similar opinions on them as I had. Thank you, lots of more tabs to read through after this post.
You’re welcome, Mike. I recently discovered something called a “saturn return” which could help explain the common timing of existential crises around the late 20s and early 30s. That may be something to also check out.
Your story sounds similar to mine. I also “had it all” on paper. Happily married, high-paying but unfulfilling career. I just wrapped up some posts on “workism” and “total work” that you may find helpful. Essentially, too many of us are trying to find our identities and meaning through work, and work itself is becoming the religion we worship. What more and more of us are realizing is that this road leads to a dead end, burden, burnout, and spiritual emptiness. The question then becomes how to find meaning and purpose when work isn’t the answer.
– Total Work: When Humans are Transformed into Workers and Nothing Else (Were we Born only to Work?)
– The Busy Spectrum (High Busyness): What You Need to Know about Workism & Hustle Porn
I don’t know that we ever complete our existential crises or maybe we have existential cycles in life. I know that I have experienced existential introspection periods from 12 years of age to my current age of 67. At least four episodes. There were many different triggers and different personal consultations as to who I am and how I should go forward. From age 12, when I chose my basic life long belief system based on free agency to how I should go forward most probably just as an individual after losing my wife of 37 years. Do not be discouraged if you don’t come to complete closure of your existential crises, that may be a good thing. We need to be open to growth!
Hi Tom, I believe you are right about existential cycles or at least ongoing existential angst. In terms of cycles/periods, I’ve read a bit about “Saturn Returns” and other astrological theories which could help explain it. You made a great point to not feel discouraged if you don’t come to complete closure. I had to put an “end date” on mine after six weeks or it would have continued indefinitely (mine started in November 2015 and I put an end date of New Year’s 2016). Of course, closure isn’t as simple as deciding the date you want your crisis to be over. I’ve remained open to growth in the years since then, and I now consider myself “lucky” to have had a crisis in the first place. It’s opened my eyes, expanded my mind, and pushed me in the direction of conscious living vs unconscious sleepwalking each day. If you come back and read this, I’d love to know what has helped you the most on your journey.
When I was 10 years old or younger ( I don’t specially recall), my mother changed her ID card as it had expired and gave the old one to me. Little me looked at it in my bedroom and realised “my mom is going to die someday. I am going to cease to exist someday” and I spent the following nights in terror crying myself to sleep. Now and then I get an existential crisis, i feel anxious and sometimes i can deal with it in a productive way, but sometimes, like as of now while I’m typing this, I’m just in a total state of panic and i don’t know what to do besides holding the urge to throw up. I’m 22 years old now, i have struggled with depression as consequence of abuse, and the first time i questioned what happens after we die was even before pre-school, but instead of making me a genius it made me a ball of unresolved anxiety. Please do send help.
Thanks for taking a moment to share, Batista. I’ve also experienced the different stages of the acute existential crisis and lingering periods of existential angst. I also suffer with anxiety from being too future-focused and forgetting about the present moment. You are still very young compared to many of us (including myself) who didn’t have these feelings until our late 20s/early 30s or even later. Just think about that like it’s a head start. You’ve started your journey and searching earlier than most and can explore many different areas of life. Remember that no one has ever answered these deep questions about life. I recently watched a podcast with Naval Ravikant where he said:
On the meaning of life: “There is no answer. The real answer is ‘because.’ You get to make up your own answer is the beauty. If there was a single answer, we would not be free. We would be trapped…we would all have to live to that answer…luckily there is no answer.”
“Answers to all the great questions are paradoxes…How do I matter in this infinite universe? On the one hand, you’re separate…every two points are infinitely different…life is a single player game…on the other hand…you’re connected to everything, it’s inseparable.”
“The answer to that question, ‘Do I matter?’ is ‘I am nothing, and I am everything’…all the great questions…all paradoxes…pursuing them is actually really useful because then it gives you certain intrinsic understanding in your life that brings a level of peace.”
I wish there was more I could do to help, but I’m just a normal person with no credentials. The best I can try to do to help is offer the content I’ve written on the site about finding/creating life meaning and purpose (what we are all searching for). In cases of severe depression, traumatic experiences, and abuse I have heard professional help can be very beneficial, so don’t rule that out. It can be a great supplement to your own personal searching. I truly wish you all the best.
Kyle, thank you so much for your wonderful and insightful article. I am at the very beginning of my existential crisis, after my mom passed away about 3 weeks ago. I am just 17, and have no clue what I’m doing, where I’m going, why I’m here, what being “here” is, why society is so completely insane, how much of our spirit is tied to our biology, what memory is, and 1000 other things. However, reading this article let me identify that I am in fact having an existential crisis and that there does seem to be light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you again, you have touched yet another life (from looking at the comments, you have impacted a lot of people!)
Thanks for taking a moment to leave a comment, David. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. Just know that even at a young age, you aren’t alone. You’ll see a wide range of people and ages if you read through all the comments. We’re all in this together and asking any and every question you can think of. If anything, you are ahead of the game and asking all these mind-opening and mind-expanding questions before most of us ever did. From my own experience, my life has only become better since my existential crisis (this November will be the 4-year anniversary of mine). It’s definitely a journey, and you’re always learning new things, but you’ll find there’s so much light in life as you journey through it. The crisis will give you a whole new perspective, and it can lead you down a path to really deeply think about what you want to do with your life. There’s a lot of content on the site to help find/create life purpose as well. All the best!
I’m so glad l found this post. I’ve been feeling like I’m going mad. I relate so deeply to the existential crisis your wife went through… same sort of questions. Thanks so much for the share, l feel a glimmer of hope.
So happy to hear my wife’s experience resonated with you, Alli!
“Hope is passion for the possible.” — Søren Kierkegaard
Great article. Going through existential crisis for 2 years+ now and still have no answers, of course, nobody has them. After all this, the greatest motivation in my life is now, death, because that just reminds me that we’re all going to pass regardless and therefore, we should just go ahead and live life to the fullest. The thoughts still creep in sometimes but I guess I’ll figure it out.
Thank you.
Realizing that nobody has the answers is a key piece of wisdom, Suveer! Reminds me of these:
“The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know.” — Albert Einstein
“I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.” — Socrates
“Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing.” — Euripides
But, even without ultimate answers, we can still seek and find meaning and purpose in our lives:
“No one knows everything. No one knows nothing. Everyone has a piece of the puzzle.” — Lama Surya Das
On the meaning of life: “There is no answer. The real answer is ‘because.’ You get to make up your own answer is the beauty. If there was a single answer, we would not be free. We would be trapped…we would all have to live to that answer…luckily there is no answer.” — Naval Ravikant
Death is perhaps the single best invention of life:
“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose…death is very likely the single best invention of life.” — Steve Jobs
The #1 regret of the dying is: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” ― Bronnie Ware
Here’s my go-to recommendation for finding/creating life purpose (what I used personally).
I don’t know the reason behind my existential crisis. I have had twice now. One when I was 22 and another now when I am 29. All I want is to go back to my normal life which I have started questioning a lot. But I am scared this crisis will do me harm. I have let myself lose at one point and felt I don’t exist. And also there is this weird part of me which doesn’t want to leave this space. What is the renewed perspective you are talking about at the end of the crisis. All I want is to go back to my normal life and enjoy simple things and believe in all the things I used to believe. Please help.
Hi Soumya – Personally, I believe questioning/seeking is a good thing. The renewed perspective is what comes from opening your mind, questioning/seeking, learning, expanding your mind, connecting insights, having aha moments, etc. It’s resulted in a much broader and inclusive macro worldview and micro “lifeview” since my crisis.
Remember that you are not alone in this journey. In fact, I recently discovered a fantastic new YouTube series called “Awakening from the Meaning Crisis” which seems to be resonating with many people searching for meaning today. I’m watching an episode a day during my lunch break, and it’s filled in a lot of knowledge gaps for me. You may find it interesting on your journey as well.
I have been having an existential crisis for years, working at soul sucking burnout jobs. Last year I left my home of 30 years, Vancouver, retired from soul sucking job, left soul sucking relationship with a narcissist, everything in one swoop. Still reeling. Have questioned the meaning of life and purpose among many other questions since in my early 20s. Depression most of my life but the last year of work was the worst. Experiencing Dark Night of the Soul/Existential crisis, but not the first time for sure. Lots of soul searching, meditation, nature, exercise, creativity but still feeling very lost from leaving everything behind. Very painful.
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing, Marlyn. It sounds like you are on the right path.
I’m currently reading Joseph Campbell’s “The Hero with a Thousand Faces” about the hero’s journey. It sounds like various stages of the journey are very difficult, but good for you for taking action and making progress. There’s a lot of positive that can come from pain:
“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” — Tony Robbins
“Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?” — John Keats
“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” — Jim Rohn
Always remember the end of one thing allows for the beginning of another. You are creating a blank slate or tabula rasa where you can paint anything you want:
“Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It’s your masterpiece after all.” ― Nathan W. Morris
Thank you for this amazingly insightful post. I had an existential breakdown when I was 16. It definitely came at an unprecedented and challenging time; in the midst of a stressful work and exam season, not to mention the cliché teenage troubles of friendships and relationships, as well as the expected attempts of grasping to find yourself as a functioning and societally agreeing being, as well as retaining this abstract word of ‘individualism’. With that said, I think in some ways it may also have come at the most perfect time possible. Needless to say, preparing for a party with friends by your side discussing choice of makeup and which skirt would look the cutest, whilst you’re sat staring into the mirror, contemplating every single objects existence in your vision could always feel quite isolating. A sense of dysfunction and misplacement isn’t something any average teenager would fantasise on keenly. However, as time progressed; slowly but surely, I found myself connecting with friends whom I hadn’t even considered to be going through the same change of mindset as me. Soon things became normalised, and like you say, you then have this epiphany of power that whilst does not help you escape such unquestionable inevitabilities – such as death itself – does in fact help you project a meaning onto everything you are doing. A meaning that in no way, shape or form relies such conventions as materialism and success. A meaning that in fact relates to your own personal, autonomous desires and dreams. I no longer fixated on this dream that had been externally projected on to me, the dream of studying statistics and economics at University purely for the hope of one day making a six-digit salary, where I could take this hypothetical partner and family on multiple holidays and buy fancy new cars for them. Instead, I opted for subjects that helped develop me as a person. I’m now 17, I study history, English and (my new found love) philosophy, and hope to study liberal arts at university in the coming years. My passions of music and travelling have been broadened and given more meaning, and to be perfectly honest; yes, I do I think I’m now a happier person generally than I ever was. And no, not everything is perfect, it never will be. It may take a while to come out of this anxious stage, you may relapse in your thoughts, but if can promise you; the bliss you can feel from accepting and understanding existentialism is INCOMPARABLE. I’ve found that when you give meaning to things in life that are beyond such trivial shit (to be frank), your life becomes less fragile, and you are less susceptible to be disappointed by the things then in retrospect don’t matter. So for anyone out there that is currently going through something like this, my strong advice is to not feel threatened or scared by it. Let the feeling in, let it change you, let it give you a new perspective you never even thought was in the realms of your meagre existence. In my opinion, let it make you a better person than you were yesterday.
You are very welcome, Elia. Wow, it sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders! You’ve figured out things by 17 that I didn’t know until 30. And, you were able to do it without necessarily “living and learning” the hard way like I did (I lived the career, got the car, got the house, etc before I ever learned). Major kudos to you.
You nailed it with these:
“A meaning that in fact relates to your own personal, autonomous desires and dreams.”
“The bliss you can feel from accepting and understanding existentialism is INCOMPARABLE.”
“Let the feeling in, let it change you, let it give you a new perspective you never even thought was in the realms of your meagre existence.”
Well thank you for this post!! I think it’s so important for people to have this platform and be able to share these sorts of experiences together, makes it all seem a bit less daunting
Hello , I’m very happy I came across your article, I’m a 25 year old wife with children & this year has been tough. I’ve been going through an existential anxiety/angst that has caused everyday either a panic attack or I go on with my days with ongoing anxiety . It’s very scary . I’ve felt like this for at least 4-5 months now . It got to the point where I had a mental break down & spent 4 days in the mental hospital 2 weeks ago (August 24th -29th) it honestly makes me want to give up bec of the unshaken anxiety . I’m on 3 different medicines . I haven’t had a panic attack since (thank Jesus ) but I still go on each day with a fight or flight feeling in my chest & it all starts bec I question my existence like “why am I here “ “did I have anything to do with creating all this “ “am I even real or am I just living an illusion “ so scary to think . I pray & I try to do research now but even research gives me anxiety . You mentioned something about waking up & a couple months back I questioned if I was . I’m not like others , I wear my heart on my sleeve , I’m well mannered , I get why human beings become depressed , stressed & anxious , I wanna change the world .. I think so deeply about things & sometimes I wish I didn’t think at all . . Sometimes I think I’m going crazy & that’s even more scary to think about … will I ever be the same again ? What’s happening to me ? I use to be so strong . I want to live , I want to go on feeling good in my chest , I want to be the strong woman I use to be . Idk what’s happening in my mind & heart anymore . Though I’m a pusher & im pushing through bec I have children , a husband & my self to live for . I know I have a great future ahead of me but this crisis is lasting longer then I thought . Please respond . Am I waking up or am I just going crazy .. either way , I’d do anything to not feel like this anymore . The worst part is nothing is wrong with my life . . The thoughts just come & im obsessed with it . Sorry for rant , I haven’t told anyone , not even my husband bec we live in such a show me proof or “your just overthinking “ world , on top of that I live in Baltimore , which is such a heartless city . So different from who I am . Though I’m grateful for who I am . I wanna help people but I have to help myself get through this first . Hope to hear back soon with whatever advice you can give . I think it’s time I started trying my hardest to research , find my purpose & move on from this . . I just don’t know how or what’s going to shake off this obsessive feeling of anxiety .
Happy this article found you as well, Taylor! No need to apologize for the rant. And, I’m sure every city has its pros and cons (I’m born and raised in Cincinnati but left about 10 years ago).
In regards to “nothing is wrong with my life”: I’ve read about many people who have had seemingly perfect lives on the outside but were lost on the inside. In fact, I’d consider myself one of those people. In the outside world and at work, no one knew I was going through a crisis.
One thing to keep in mind is that I’m just a normal human like you and everyone else in the comments that’s currently seeking. I’m not a doctor or otherwise professionally able to give any type of medical advice, but I have read about people who have had very positive experiences seeking professional help. My wife was a critical shoulder to lean on during my crisis (and still today), so I wonder if it would help opening up to your husband about it.
Regarding “I wanna change the world.” I too once desired for this, but then I realized that the best way to change the world is to change ourselves first:
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi
You nailed it with this: “I wanna help people but I have to help myself get through this first.” Self-love and self-acceptance is critical before we are fully able to help others.
Regarding “thinking deeply”: It can be a double-edged sword. Those of us who think deeply can sometimes get trapped in a cage of our own creation (our thoughts). While I love being a deep thinker, I’ve learned that I also need to equally embrace “not thinking” or “not knowing.” This is when thinking stops and consciousness/being naturally arises.
Personally, finding purpose and growing in spirituality have been the biggest positive changes I’ve made in my life since my crisis. I would definitely read through the many articles about purpose on the site which may lead to a new perspective, insight, or aha moment for you. I also get anxiety, and I’ve found the best way to deal with it is to make progress (even small progress) on my purpose. Paradoxically, what’s best for us individually (discovering/creating our authentic purpose) is best for the world collectively.
Also, there’s a new 50-part YouTube series I’m watching called “Awakening from the Meaning Crisis” by John Vervaeke. I’m only on episode 10, but it’s already filling in a lot of gaps in my knowledge of life.
I truly wish you all the best. If you discover something that seems to work for you, please come back and let us all know. That would be a great way to help others going through this!
How are you doing Taylor?
Did a Google search this morning and discovered your website. Thanks for sharing all these resources – my crisis has ebbed and flowed over the past 3 years. Starting my job and becoming a “professional office worker” wasn’t like what I imagined at all, so I’m still processing that loss/disappointment(?)
Will go through the rest of your website! Great quotes in here!
Sure thing, Mira! I too experienced repeated disillusionment during my decade-long corporate career. Enjoy clicking around on the site! Lots of deep reads trying to make sense of things and learn how to live. Also, there’s a full page of quotes here you may enjoy.
I would read all the comments if I had time, but I’m afraid I’ve reached the end of my ability to stare at a computer screen for now. I didn’t think I’d be the type to have an existential crisis, but here I am at almost 38 and wondering what makes it all worth just living. If life is just one big struggle after another, constantly trying to reach the goal of happiness, but never quite getting there, then what’s the point? Anyway, I’m grateful for stumbling upon your article and hopeful that this journey down the rabbit hole leads somewhere.
I hear ya, Joshua. Come on back sometime and check out the comments for a healthy dose of humanity.
Regarding “If life is just one big struggle after another”: I think this is a state of mind. It reminds me of the quote, “Life is just one damn thing after another.” (Anonymous). If you choose to view life that way, then it will seem that way. Instead, you could choose to view life as a miracle or gift. Instead of one thing after another that you have to do, you are alive and get to do it. This simple perspective change can make the most mundane, ordinary moments of life much more enjoyable and meaningful.
On “constantly trying to reach the goal of happiness”: I recently did a deep dive into happiness to make sense of it for myself. It’s a 3-part series that you can start here: Happiness 101: The Beginner’s Guide for How to be Happy (Money, Simplicity, Relationships, Culture)
Ultimately, I believe happiness is a byproduct of living purposefully: Happiness 201: The Advanced Guide for How to be Happy Psychologically (Expectations, Practice, Choice, Purpose)
And, there’s a lot I’ve learned about spirituality that has helped me release the desire for happiness: Happiness 301: The Master’s Guide for How to be Happy Spiritually (Presence, Letting Go, Transcendence, Joy)
I hope you’ll come back and check them out. I was once in your shoes and understand where you are coming from.
Hi, it’s 2 am and i’ve just come across this page and I’m glad I did. I’ve been so highly anxious lately and I know it’s because of my existential dread. I’m 31 years old and I can’t help but think what’s the point of anything if we’re all going to die? Most people live their lives not thinking about the fact that one day we’ll all face inevitable death. Thinking about the future scares me, things are changing so rapidly, and it’s like my heart sinks. We’ll all cease to Exist one day, why am I here for such a short time? What’s gonna happen to my eternal consciousness?
Welcome, Pearl! Glad you found this page. Your questions sound similar to the questions we are all asking. Here are a few things I’ve learned since my crisis 4 years ago:
There are some questions that simply don’t have single or straightforward answers. In these cases, I resonate with Naval Ravikant’s perspective on meaning:
On the meaning of life: “There is no answer. The real answer is ‘because.’ You get to make up your own answer is the beauty. If there was a single answer, we would not be free. We would be trapped…we would all have to live to that answer…luckily there is no answer.”
“Answers to all the great questions are paradoxes…How do I matter in this infinite universe? On the one hand, you’re separate…every two points are infinitely different…life is a single player game…on the other hand…you’re connected to everything, it’s inseparable.”
“The answer to that question, ‘Do I matter?’ is ‘I am nothing, and I am everything’…all the great questions…all paradoxes…pursuing them is actually really useful because then it gives you certain intrinsic understanding in your life that brings a level of peace.”
I recently finished reading “The Lessons of History,” and it addresses big questions like: Is progress real?, Does history repeat itself?, etc. This was very mind-opening and mind-expanding to read the perspective of people who studied history for 50+ years. What I learned was that many things change (like technology), but more things stay the same (human nature). It made me think that maybe we’re all just here to experience life and develop our soul/character.
Regarding consciousness, I’m very interested to see where science goes on “the hard problem of consciousness.” No one knows yet if consciousness is real or an illusion that the brain evolved to have for survival purposes.
On being here for a short time:
“Life is long enough, and it has been given in sufficiently generous measure to allow the accomplishment of the very greatest things if the whole of it is well invested.” — Seneca
“People say life is short, but it’s the longest thing you’ll ever do.” — Anonymous
All this being said, nothing has changed my life more since my crisis than: 1) finding/creating my life purpose, and 2) spiritual growth. I highly recommend both to anyone on the search/journey for meaning in life.
I’m 21 and have struggled with my existential crisis (or angst) just recently. I’ve been struggling with depression most of my life but have been getting help for it recently. I felt good for a while but now this idea of death started overwhelming me. Why is death such a scary thing? The fear of dying and knowing my loved ones will die one day has overwhelmed me. I’ve had daydreams of saying my final goodbyes to all of my family. I cant help but be reminded of it from the moment i wake and the moment i fall asleep. Death is suppose to be a motivator to live a purposeful life. But how can I when I constantly fear the inevitable? I’m having a hard time accepting what I don’t know. I feel as though I have an attachment issue. Perhaps you could give some advice on conquering it? These comments have given me some relief. I no longer feel alone on this journey. Thank you
Thank you for sharing, Kenna. Death is certainly a tough topic. I think most people find it scary because it’s a fear of the unknown. In terms of conquering that fear, here are some things that work for me:
– Remember that human intelligence is only a fraction of nature’s intelligence: Nature wouldn’t have death if it wasn’t useful to life. I just read “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius and one of the main themes is overcoming the fear of death and accepting that it’s a natural occurrence and out of our control. Stoicism/philosophy advocate for not worrying about things that are out of our control (if we can’t control/change something, then why worry about it?). Spirituality/religion can also offer hope from a different perspective (like trusting in universal intelligence or God).
– Live each day presently and purposefully: Both spirituality and philosophy encourage you to remain in the present moment (instead of dwelling on the past or having anxiety about the future). All we ever have is the present moment. This offers a big sigh of relief when you realize that this moment right now isn’t so bad after all. Regarding purpose, this has been a big help for me to eliminate fear. If I feel like I’m living my purpose daily, then I believe I’m being and doing all I could be/do in the present moment. Which is all I think life can ask of you (again, this reminds me of some quotes from “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius…I’ll be publishing the book summaries today, so check them out!).
In terms of loved ones, I simply apply “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” I think that applies to all relationships in our lives. We can choose to have gratitude for the unknown amount of time that we have with everyone.
Lastly, in my own journey, I haven’t ruled out the possibility that there’s something for us beyond death. I love thought experiments like that. For instance, maybe we’re just here on Earth in this human experience to develop our characters/souls for what’s next?
I believe my existential crisis has been going on for a year or so now, intertwined with depressive episodes – or perhaps even longer than that. I’ve been questioning everything around me since I can remember, but it became way more intense in my 20s and now, at 27, it’s worse than ever. I am no longer able to enjoy the things I used to love, can’t build lasting relationships, I often end up feeling absolutely hopeless as I can’t find my way out of this labyrinth that is the search of Me.
Before last year, I used to question everything around me, why we exist, what it matters if we all die anyway, where my consciousness goes (I’m not religious), how do we battle societies’ harmful influences without destroying the social constructs that make us feel like we belong, what is time, what is space, etc. Then, it turned inwards and I started to question everything about my identity, personality, my beliefs and values, I started asking questions about my own purpose and what the point of my existence is – that’s where I got lost.
I know the answer lays within me. I know this is a challenge and I’ll come out stronger on the other side. But the journey… it’s absolutely unbearable at times.
Most people don’t want to hear about this. Most people decide to never ask these questions and go on living without ‘worrying unnecessarily’ and listening to someone who’s going through it makes them uncomfortable.
But I need to ask these questions and I need to find the answers. I don’t want to distract myself or “silence my mind”. I need to find a way out of the labyrinth. It is, however, a very lonely journey.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience, Anna. It sounds like you’ve had elements of both intrinsic and extrinsic crises. After reflecting on my crisis over the last few years, I believe there are three things that worked (and continue to work) for me:
1. Learning more in general: This greatly helps to reset perspective on life. I’ve discovered so many amazing historical/modern people and writings that have helped to open and expand my mind. They remind me that no one has (or has ever had) all the answers to life, and we’re all just doing the best we can. There’s a lot we can learn from thousands of years of recorded human history to live good lives today. Learning has increased my appreciation for nature, my sense of mystery and awe, and in general given me hope. There are many articles on this site that are chronicles of my own journey/learning that could be helpful for you (scroll through the popular posts to get started).
2. Spiritual growth: Before my crisis, my life was all about myself in many ways. I didn’t fully see the bigger picture or my role in it. It was all about “doing,” but it completely neglected “being.” If you’re just getting started with spirituality, I recommend Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul. Keep in mind spirituality is different from religion and doesn’t require any religious beliefs.
3. Finding/creating my own purpose: Aside from spiritual growth, purpose has the most impact on my day-to-day well-being, meaning, and fulfillment. You can find everything I’ve learned and written about purpose here. My current recommended approach to purpose is Ikigai 2.0 (what I personally used to find/create my own purpose). If you feel like you need to go deeper into life meaning before personal purpose, I’d recommend the 50-part YouTube series I’m watching called “Awakening from the Meaning Crisis” by John Vervaeke. There’s possibly no better free resource to understand meaning.
Keep going on your own hero’s journey. Everyone is on their own path and timeline to their own unique destination. There’s no rush when there’s no competition.
While it’s still countercultural to publicly discuss topics like this, you can see from all the comments here that many of us are dealing with the same thing. It’s much more common than it appears in superficial day-to-day life. If you do have a trusted friend or partner you can bring into your journey, it is something that could help with the loneliness (as my wife was for me on my journey). I truly wish you all the best. I’ll be writing much more about life purpose in the coming months/year.
Hello,
This article was really helpful! I’m 13 and recently I’ve been having an existential crisis over whether or not I exist, am I the only person who does really exist, and wondering whether or not the people around truly exist or if I’m just thinking they have emotions and thoughts and feelings, and I’ve been wondering over what happens when we die, and frankly getting anxiety over infinity… Thank you for helping me cope with these thoughts!
Glad it was helpful, Ace. There are a few others around your age who have left comments here as well; always interesting to see what other people are thinking/feeling at similar life stages. You have a lot of life ahead of you. Keep searching and exploring with an open mind!
I feel no fear. Living Existential crisis is more joyful than life ever can be.
That’s an optimistic attitude in which to approach a crisis, Xenon! My experience leads me to believe that life can be even more joyful once you make it through the darkness of the journey. New perspective, opened and expanded mind, fulfilling purpose, spiritual growth, etc are all things to find joy in daily.
I am really glad i found this. I am 25 yo. And from almost a month ago, i have been having anxiety. Like you i have been living the dream, a good job, two of them(but not what i like to do), a lot of stress, and one day my fear (anxiety) took control. My life began to be the worst, and it was growing… panic attacks and so much more. It has been unbearable for the most part. I went to therapy, (and at least panic attacks are off for now). It all began with my fear of death, but just yesterday i figured out, that it was an existential crysis. I am actually having difficulty to continue with my life, but let me tell whoever is reading this :
If you are having panic attacks, you may want to consider this: Panic is a natural response from your body to danger. It’s not bad. You may be asociating your anxiety and your fears. Anxiety is a feeling, and if you accept it, and understand it, you will be able to not link it to your fears (aka not anticipating your fears) so it never evolves into panic.
Anyways, thank you kyle, your post has stopped my anxiety from exploding this time. Thank you deeply. Also, i found that leaving one of my two jobs and coming back to psychology classes (just the plan for now) has made a dramatic impact on my anxiety and inner peace.
Thanks Kyle.
“not trying to control may be the only way to control self” (sorry if i am not grammatically correct, English is not my first language)
Thank you for sharing your story, Rodrigo, as well as your perspective on anxiety and panic. Sounds like you’ve experienced “living the dream” doesn’t necessarily mean your dream. Hang in there, and always keep an open mind for more professional help if you need it. There’s nothing wrong with someone guiding you to find and create your own path in life.
In my experience, the things that have helped eliminate my fear of death have been: finding and creating life purpose (start here, then read this, then this), and growing spiritually. This helped me create a path, and as long as I feel like I live to that path daily, I don’t fear death because I feel like I’m doing what I’m alive to be doing.
The quote you shared (“not trying to control may be the only way to control self”) is a great one. If that resonates with you, you may also like my book summaries of The Untethered Soul, A New Earth, and Tao Te Ching.
thank you sloww for giving such wonderful information
You got it, rohit!
Hello there I am so glad I found your webpage, I really found you by accident, while I was looking on Askjeeve for something else, Regardless I am here now and would just like to say thanks a lot for a marvelous post and a all round enjoyable blog
Glad you stumbled upon Sloww, Faruk!
Hello! Your blog is amazing. Full of info. Thank you for sharing, and keep going you are doing a great job.
Thank you for the support and kind words 🙂
Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your blog posts. In any case I will be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again soon!
Thanks for subscribing! I aim for 1-3 posts a week depending on the depth of the topic. Glad to have you along for the journey.
Would love to hear from ladies struggling with menopause, depression and existential crisis…
Good suggestion, Tiffany. I’m leaving this open here in hopes that someone in a similar situation will share their experience.
I try to stay away from the negative, especially politics but the current state of the union is destroying me. I promise I’m not talking about politics, I’m referring to the media and it’s ability to cause me to feel more hopeless than ever. Ever.
I obviously have struggeled for years before this. Anxiety and depression have been my lifelong companions. But this is different. I spent years in my thirties going through my existential crisis and found Maryanne Williamson and Louise Hay to name a couple of bright lights to learn from.
But now I’m my late fifties, I’ve spent years in a state of pseudo enlightenment and now that I know I need to transform into a higher purpose I find I can hardly stand the lingo or the meditation to calm myself. I just want to pound my chest and yell! I don’t want to go slow, I’m getting to a point I want to act like so many people that I find to be-I’m just finding myself judging other people who are intolerant of anyone different, and cruel, and selfish, and hate-filled , and I can not live like this. I can’t be concerned with others, this crisis has to be about me and my gift to life. I can’t find myself, much less my gift.
I know enough to know the tactics being used against me from the political bullies. And it works. I’m a rule follower. I like political awareness and kindness to others. Chaos and unpredictable behavior is a destroyer for me. This time in our world is not good for me. I feel like it’s this very tiny group of rich , influential people who are playing this global game of danger with my head. Unaware and not caring what it’s doing to people like me. And for what end?
That’s what I find so disturbing, how has America fallen for this? I do not believe no one else sees this it feels it. But those around me can only see a savior emerging from the chaos and I see only destruction. I’m not mad at a political party, I don’t know where it’s all coming from but it’s killing my ability to even consider getting myself to higher ground. For the first time in my life I’m a fearful American citizen. I’m fearful of my own government and the ones yet to come after this. I had no idea how much I appreciated the polite status quo that we used to live with. And I see no signs of it coming back. The America I grew up with isn’t changing, it has changed. And so far no matter what I try to over come this new country, I feel no progress. I see no enlightenment in this country before I die.
And I hate it.
I just feel hopeless.
I’m sorry to everyone who has read this. I didn’t know this was going to come out. I know it’s not what you come to read here. I’m that outlier. Resenting the disruptor.
No need to apologize, JT. Sometimes it’s helpful to just lay it all out there. Media and politics are two things I’ve definitely limited in my life over the last few years, and I feel like it’s made a drastic positive impact in my life. Reminds me of the quote:
“The way to survive in modern society is to be an ascetic. It is to retreat from society. There’s too much society everywhere you go…The only solution is turn it off.” — Naval Ravikant
The media can’t tell you who you are. Only you can find that out for yourself. Media, politics, social media, marketing, etc are very effective these days at exploiting the human condition and behavior.
I wouldn’t get too hung up on the lingo. Words can’t say the most important things in life. You may resonate with the book “Awareness” by Anthony de Mello who delivers a tough love approach to modern society and spirituality. He offers four steps to wisdom:
“Put this program into action, a thousand times:
(a) identify the negative feelings in you;
(b) understand that they are in you, not in the world, not in external reality;
(c) do not see them as an essential part of ‘I’; these things come and go;
(d) understand that when you change, everything changes.”
Also, keep in mind that “going slow” doesn’t mean slow motion. It simply means finding your natural pace in life.
In regards to the “tiny group of rich, influential people,” check out “The Lessons of History” by Will & Ariel Durant. Today isn’t much different from any other time in history. Means change, but the ends often stay the same. They also offer an answer to the question, “Is progress real?”
In regards to “I can’t be concerned with others, this crisis has to be about me and my gift to life,” I just published this post which you may find beneficial: 50+ Deep Perspectives on Humanity’s Underlying & Ultimate Challenge (Hint: Ourselves)
Although I’ve had some pretty bad stuff happen in my life (my dad was murdered when I was 14, my oldest sister died at 27 of pulmonary veno occlusive disease), I’ve always been able to recover, and find meaning in life again…. Until recently. On Aug 2nd 2019 I was living in Santa Fe, NM, and left my house for 30 minutes to give my ex boyfriend a ride to his truck. When I returned, I discovered my chihuahua named “Angel” had her head stuck in an empty shredded cheese bag and had suffocated to death. I tried to give her CPR. Apparently my shiba inu had pulled it out of the trash bag, which I had pulled out of the trash can, and left loosly tied. Something I will regret for the rest of my life. I felt like I died at that moment. I’ve never loved a dog as much as I loved Angel, and we had a special connectiion. After having lived in Santa Fe for 10 years, I had been planning on moving back to IN to be with my family, and I was looking forward to bringing my 2 chihuahuas I had adopted 5 years prior, and my shiba inu. It was going to be a new beginning. Then it was lost. The grief I experienced was like nothing I’d ever experienced. Long story short, at the age of 52, I started having an existential crisis, which I am in the middle of now. Looking at everything I havent accomplished, and may never (meeting a man, visiting all the National parks) I am living in IN with my mom currently, trying to get back on my feet. I have discovered listening to tibetans chanting “Ommmmmm” is something I need to do daily. I am coloring mandalas daily, When I first came back to IN (late Sept) I started painting. It really helped. I signed up for Rover, and do dog sitting and dog walking. I’m not making nearly as much money as I made as a physical therapist assistant, but I’m happy, because I just want to be with animals. I am on a path, and figuring out how to live a different life, with more meaning. and still working on it. Anyway, thanks for all this information….
Thank you for sharing parts of your story, Emily. I can’t imagine going through some of those things. We have an elderly dachshund who is nearing the end, and it’s hard to comprehend what life will be like without her (like you, our pets are family members). I’m starting to keep my awareness and eyes open to synchronicities, and I wonder if that’s the case with your comment here. You mentioned “Om” which is the exact turning point of the story of Siddhartha after he hits rock bottom (the most recent book I finished). If you haven’t read it (or have and need a refresher), you can check out my book summary here. You are absolutely right that you are on a path. We all are in our own ways. And, the ups of the journey wouldn’t be the ups without the perspective of the downs. I truly wish you all the best.
Thank you so much, I Finally figured out how to get back here to read your comment, hahaha. I have been reading some of your past posts and I must say they are very helpful. I’m Very glad you created this Page as this is so needed in today’s society. .. Yes. I do believe in synchronicities and see them frequently in my own life. .( Ps, Don’t forget to cut down plastic bags to prevent the kind of tragedy I experienced. Very avoidable.) . Thank you again!😊
Hi Kyle,
I just wanted to say thank you for publishing this article. I’m currently 15 and am experiencing my first major existential crisis, wondering questions like “Is everything around me real?” and “What happens after we die?” It’s scary for me to think about, and I’m still trying to figure out ways to deal with those thoughts. I feel a lot more optimistic and hopeful after reading this though.
Sure thing, Ryan! Happy that the post was able to provide a little hope and optimism. If you haven’t already, be sure to read through the comments here. You’ll find other teenagers experiencing the same thing.
A key thing here is to take your time with the process. First and foremost: open your mind to learning and follow your natural curiosity. There’s so much amazing content out there these days. It will offer you a complete perspective reset and give you a newfound appreciation for the mysteries of life.
If you get to the point of wanting to figure out life purpose, I recommend: trying different things to figure out what you like/don’t like, what you’re good at/not good at, and where you think you have natural talents/gifts. This simply requires living life and doing things. No amount of thinking can be a substitute for direct life experiences. It may be helpful to keep a journal or just take “life notes” that you can reference later.
You can come back at any time and jump more into life purpose. Start here: I Searched “Life Purpose” and Read 100+ Articles (Literally). Here are the Highlights for a Meaningful Life.
You can also try the ikigai approach and ask yourself these questions:
1. What do you love / what are you deeply passionate about?
2. What are you encoded for (genetic talent/gift)?
3. What does the world and/or humanity need?
I’ve been studying life purpose for the last 4 years, and ikigai is still my recommended approach (and what I personally used to define my life purpose).
Would you believe it – I am 30 years 8 months old and reading this?!
I am kind of in the same boat as you were. Sitting in my office right now and questioning my work, my life and my existence.
Looking forward to reading your content.
Amazing, Manya! Apparently there may be an explanation behind the timing—do some searching about the “Saturn return.” Enjoy all the content! This entire site is basically an outcome of my existential crisis :).
Hi Kyle,
Thank you for the great read, I’m glad to know I’m not alone. What bothers me is this is not the first time I’ve had an existential crisis. I had one when I was 10 and then another one four years ago. Maybe it’s because I never really solved the crisis, but it feels tiring to deal with this over and over.
This time around, my crisis started with the simple thought of “am I the only one here and is everyone else a byproduct of the world around me”, an old favorite of mine. My last crisis started with the fear of my mind living forever after my body dies because of the advancement of technology, and funnily enough, there’s a new Amazon show that seems to dive into that idea (I wouldn’t know, just seeing a snapshot of it brings back the memories).
Unfortunately, I think the virus is exacerbating these emotions. My job was closed down for a while and now that it’s opening back up, I’m having a hard time finding a reason to go back other than to make money to survive. The worst part is I love the people there, but weirdly I feel like an actor trying to understand a role: what’s my character’s motivation?
It sucks because I was doing so well for so long and then I hit a wall last week and things haven’t been the same. I’m having a hard time finding things that I enjoy. I have brief moments of happiness, but they are few and far between. I used to run a YouTube channel on the side, but for a while, I haven’t had the interest to work on it. At first, I thought it was because I was so busy with my actual work that I needed to put my side projects on the back burner, but with more free time comes more apathy.
The killer for me is I haven’t wanted to listen to music or the sports podcasts that always brought me joy and got me through my last crisis. And to top it off, I have been sleeping horribly because my mind is afraid to sleep. I finally tricked my brain into being able to fall asleep last night after three days of no sleep and I had a panic attack when I woke up.
I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking to get out of this post. I think the hope is to realize I’m not alone with these thoughts or feelings. I want to know that I’m going to be able to get through this and that I’m not fighting in vain. My biggest worry is I fight for no reason and when I get to 50, I realize that I’m still not happy, but my support group is now gone and I’m stuck in the middle of the ocean of life, not being able to turn back to either shore.
Sorry for rambling, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I want to find some comfort so I can finally sleep peacefully for a few nights.
Hey Kyle! Thanks for the kind words. You’re definitely not alone. I’ve read quite a few stories of people having multiple crises throughout their lives—some from traumatic experiences, others (to your point) from an unresolved previous crisis.
Regarding “am I the only one here”: I’ve had this thought before. If you Google things around those lines, you’ll find other people have questioned this too. It seems it brings up results around the simulation theory of consciousness.
Regarding “mind living forever”: I’ve seen these predictions too (that your brain gets uploaded as software). I’m no expert, but we are still a ways out from the technological “singularity.” Since we can’t predict the future, there’s not too much we can do about this one at the moment.
I think many people are feeling the same way as you right now during these uncertain times. I have no doubt that this pandemic is expediting a crisis in many people. Finding a reason to live is what we are all after. Have you checked out the posts on ikigai and ikigai 2.0 yet? I actually just responded to a comment on ikigai 2.0 with thoughts about making money a byproduct of ikigai—you could try to apply that same advice as it relates to your work. It’s what many of us are ultimately trying to do.
Regarding “actor trying to understand a role”: You’ve nailed it with this. We are actors in the play of life. My mind was blown when I reversed the question and asked myself this: Instead of me trying so hard to live life, what if I allowed life to live me?
“Remember that you’re an actor in a play, which will be as the author chooses, short if he wants it to be short, and long if he wants it to be long. If he wants you to play the part of a beggar, act even that part with all your skill; and likewise if you’re playing a cripple, an official, or a private citizen. For that is your business, to act the role that is assigned to you as well as you can; but it is another’s part to select that role.” — Epictetus
All in all, based on your questions and comments, it seems like you’re a smart human with a good head on your shoulders. This doesn’t surprise me given that a crisis often happens in deep thinkers. You can turn that deep thinking into a major positive by opening your mind up to new learnings and perspectives about life, the universe, Earth, humanity, and yourself.
I truly wish you all the best. Come back any time if you have follow-up questions or updates.
Hello, I am going through an existential crisis right now and don’t really feel like I have anyone to talk to. I would love to get in contact with you and I would also like to thank you for writing this.
Hi Felson! Thanks for reaching out. I answer all comments on this post to the best of my ability, so just leave a reply here and I’ll share some thoughts.
Hey, I just wanted to update you. I don’t have any questions at the moment, but I did end up getting my head out of that dark place. I now understand why some people say an existential crisis never really ends, you just sort of learn to accept reality and stop panicking about it. I found that I have a better appreciation for life now and I would like to thank you once again because in those first few weeks I was very panicked and the dread was overwhelming. Reading from sources like you really helped me keep my sanity 🙂
Hello! I am 19 years old and am going through an existential crisis – mostly external. I have been spiraling for about a week. I’ve experienced yo-yo-ing of emotions where I feel at peace and normal and then the thoughts reenter my mind. I have always been a happy person, but this crisis has left me feeling completely detached from reality and uncomfortable being alone with my thoughts (though it’s sometimes worse being with other people because you feel as though you’re on a separate plane than them). However this article was extremely helpful, so thank you! I almost cried with happiness realizing I was not alone. If you have any more advice for me, or if anyone wants to talk about it, I would greatly appreciate it!
Hey Brooke! So glad to hear that the article offered some solace for you. One thing I discovered recently (years after my crisis) is the concept of cognitive dissonance. I believe that’s an accurate description of what I personally experienced. It may be worth doing some reading about it as well.
Someone actually messaged me recently asking for more insights about my wife’s external crisis experience. Here are some thoughts from my wife:
“At some point, I had a realization and understanding that I had to go through this process. That the best way to get over it is to go through it. There wasn’t a moment in time when I was like, ‘Ok cool, it’s over.’ Be patient with yourself. Find someone you can confide in; someone you 100% trust. Online forums and communities can also be helpful here. You’ll use this experience as a new building block of how you view things and approach life. Just know the worst thing is never the last thing.”
Hey Kyle, my name is Liam. I’m only 17 but I’ve been incredibly anxious about death and what comes after and questions like what is next for humans and is there a soul and things like that. You’re article helped me but I still feel kind of bland about life now. Should I just focus on going back to things I like doing and could this also be caused by this isolation I’ve been on for too long? What would you advise? Thanks
Hey Liam! Thanks for reaching out. Some of your questions are ones that all of us here are wondering. I actually just wrote an article about death that may be helpful for you: 15 Deep Insights about Death to Understand the Meaning of Life & Live Fully Alive
There’s also a premium article here: Is Death the Best Invention of Life?
I definitely think quarantine is causing a rise in feelings of existential crisis (or at least existential anxiety/angst), so you’re right on there.
In regards to going back to things you like, that’s always a good strategy. At the same time, remain open-minded and curious. At your age, exploring and following your curiosity is one of the best things you can do to learn about yourself, humanity, and the world.
Hi. I had my first existential crisis when I was only 13. I’m 16 now and honestly haven’t recovered well from it..The conclusion I came to was that life is intrinsically meaningless but because nothing matters, you can just do whatever you want (optimistic Nihilism basically). This mindset has not been that great for my mental health but I feel like telling myself anything else would just be a lie. I lie to myself enough already lol. Basically now my life has no meaning, we’re all just put onto this planet to biological reproduce to let our genes survive. My suggestion to whoever is reading this them is to not think like this and actually be able to find a meaning. (That was crappy advice; I literally didn’t give any way to follow it) I also realize that at some point when I’m older I’m going to go through another crisis so maybe I should just try to be a carefree teenager while I can. Anyways, there wasn’t really a goal to me writing this rn but thanks for reading if you do.
I get you. I’m 16 also and its so alienating for me. Your not alone. I’d be up to talk about it further, if you would like?
Hi Hadley! Thanks for taking a moment to share your experience. I’m not an expert, professional, or doctor of any kind, but here are some thoughts that may be worth considering:
– Since the optimistic nihilism approach hasn’t improved your life, what if you tried taking the opposite perspective that life is intrinsically meaningful? I resonated with Charles Eisenstein’s thoughts on this:
“The value of the question, ‘Why am I here?’ doesn’t depend on it achieving an answer. But, it drives a life process…The reason for life is life. The reason for life is to make more life. The reason for life is to bring more life into all that is. To make the universe more and more and more alive. That life is unfolding into greater and greater livingness…The point is to be part of the increasing livingness of life…The nature of reality is toward life. To become more and more alive…Please allow the service to life, this concept of I am life, therefore, I, like all life, am here to make the whole world more alive. Try that on and let that color your perceptions for awhile and see how that idea works on you.”
– In regards to it feeling like a lie, remind yourself that no one knows the truth. Naval Ravikant says:
“There is no answer. The real answer is ‘because.’ You get to make up your own answer is the beauty. If there was a single answer, we would not be free. We would be trapped…we would all have to live to that answer…luckily there is no answer.”
– Something new I’ve been learning about lately is just how subjective life truly is. Objective science is certainly useful in many cases, but there are an infinite number of things that humans don’t know. So much of our perceived reality is subjective. In this sense, it really is up to you to find and create your own meaning.
– Like you said, you do have the benefit of being a teenager right now. I just recently wrote about my own life purpose. A huge benefit of being a teenager is that you can explore and experience so many different areas of life right now. You can follow your curiosity. You can try things and determine whether you like them or not, and eventually find the things you’re passionate about. If I could go back in time with what I know now, this is what I would advise myself to do. Not to worry about much more than simple curiosity.
All the best!
Kyle
Thanks for the reassurance! It feels good in a way that I’m not alone but I have so many questions and doubts and worries. It’s really inconvenient that this is happening because I’m 16 and I just don’t know where to begin. I know I’m definitely having a existential crisis for sure! I haven’t had a night sleep where I haven’t thought about these things before hand. Most nights I can’t sleep until my body forces me to. I feel so alienated because nobody around me really seems to get me. The anxiety is nothing I thought I could ever experience. Is there any way I could possibly get in contact with you to speak about it further? It’s been nearly 2 years that I’ve been going through this and I would really, really, really appreciate it if I could have a response. Thank you!
Hey Angharad! There are quite a few people around your age who have commented on this post. You’re not alone! I’m not an expert, professional, or doctor, so my only means of communication is through these blog comments. For an extended crisis, it may be worth seeking professional help. I’ve read about many people who have found that route beneficial.
From my perspective, the three biggest things that have helped me over the last 5 years since my crisis have been:
1. A never-ending curiosity to keep learning (while also unlearning what I thought I knew about life)
2. Finding and creating my life purpose (it’s a dual process of discovery as well as doing something with it)
3. Spiritual growth (there are so many unknowns about life that science can’t answer, and I’ve found all roads lead to spirituality)
Angharad, if you have discord, hit me up. Username is Lorxis#3428. Would be glad to talk to you.
It’s been more or less two years since the last time I first read this article. Up to this day, I am grateful that this was the one I clicked first.
I was literally crying in the middle of a November night (heart racing, mind messed up) all while struggling to type “how to survive an existential crisis” on my Google search box. I swear that if I were able to go back in time and see myself again that night, I would have laughed at how weird the whole situation was. (Me, crying, typing, all while trying to console myself. Just like a good ol’ meme you’d find on Twitter.) However, I’m pretty sure I’d feel guilty after, knowing how hard it is to be in a situation like such. I’ve never felt so helpless until then. Never in my life have I ever felt so alone. And I was only 14 years old. I remember talking to my best friend after. I felt ashamed for “thinking those thoughts”, because I looked around me and nobody else seemed to care. “Am I insane, _____? Am I stupid? Why am I asking these questions? Am I that pathetic?” I asked him that. And he told me that I wasn’t. That he believed in me. It felt good to know that someone believed. That someone understood. That I wasn’t alone in confusion. This article helped me the same way my best friend did. :”)
Last year, I wasn’t able to read the comments for my anxiety was to the roof. I really was panicking. I was hurt. I felt betrayed. By everything I thought was real/fixed/infallible. But you’re right. Knowledge is truly liberating.
However, it’s hasn’t been so easy for me. Well, I doubt that it’s ever easy for anyone. Maybe what I mean is that, I’ve been inconsistent with my progress recently. Maybe it’s because I haven’t faced it fully yet. It’s quite hard to face. Sometimes, I get tempted to set it aside because I wanted to live a normal youth just like the everyone else. Well, who would really want to sulk at home while everyone’s out dancing under disco lights at this age? I think I would (at the very least, subconsciously). My mind wants to sort it out for real ASAP. I’m starting to think so too. I believe the long-term benefits would be worth the initial suffering. 🙂
I had my first (sort of) existential crisis when I was younger. I grew up in a Christian family. I was only 6-7 ish when I started asking a lot of questions about the religion that I had been taught. At a young age, I have been asking myself stuff like, “If God made us, then who made God?” (lmao those kinds of things) I never stopped asking questions since then.
But, as I grew older, I’ve noticed that the questions became more complex, sometimes, darker. What sucked the most was that there were no answers. At least, there weren’t sure definite ones.
Ever since, I have been on and off with my existential crisis. Until I finally reached my peak at around November 2018.
It lasted for months. I felt weird about it. Sometimes I wake up driven, wanting to hug all my loved ones, almost never letting go. Other times, I wake up demotivated. It felt like there was nothing left to do. I’m gonna die anyway. It was really hard. To be honest, I feel like I’m not done with it yet. I am still in the phase of resolving it.
And I think I really am. I came back again because I had another mini-existential crisis last night. Thankfully, though, I wasn’t met with the same heart-attack like experience of panic and fear. It was rather a slow, seeping feeling of sadness and sorrow. I felt lonely knowing that one day, my best friend, who I cherish the most, will be gone. And that one day, I’ll be gone, too. All my loved ones will be. My mom, my dad, my brother. One day, I’d sit on the front porch seeing my last sunset and I probably won’t even know. One day, I’d be gone. Just like that. And I wouldn’t even know that I’m gone. Well, I know that it’s human nature. It’s just that I can’t help but feel sad about it some nights.
And so, I went out of bed. I don’t know why the ceiling triggers so many unwanted thoughts. So, I went out for a walk. Tried to re-adjust my perspective. I did the same things that helped me before. I talked to my best friend and went back to this article. This time, I was able to read the comments. Once again, I was reminded that I wasn’t alone in this wonderful endeavor called life. You’re right, Mr. Kowalski. We could harness our deep-thinking to create something great. It doesn’t have to be all that bad. :”)
So I decided to talk it out with my best friend. I realized that I’d rather live making the most out of this life than wallow in the pits of pity. I’ve read somewhere that the purpose of life is to prepare for our deaths in the most beautiful ways possible (non-verbatim). I don’t have the source, though. :< Nevertheless, the message is still nice to remember. It's better to die having lived fully than to die knowing that one day that day will come and you didn't do anything about it.
I also read somewhere that "If the worst thing that could happen is already guaranteed to happen, then there's nothing left for us to fear." I believe that is very powerful and liberating. :")
I'd like to think of us as universal hiccups. We live and die after existing for a moment. If seen from a bigger lens, we exist very shortly. But it's amazing how much we could do in that very short span of time. All the amazing people we're gonna meet. All the adventures we're gonna take. All the essential lessons we're gonna learn.
No matter what the end conclusion may be, it's still amazing that we're alive. Right now. In this moment. It's amazing that out of all those sperm cells, the right one won the race. (lol) I mean, seriously, if it hadn't we wouldn't be born at all. We wouldn't have had any idea of what it feels like to breathe. To cry. To learn. To grow. To love. To try, fail, and try again. It's just simply amazing that we're here. On this giant spinning mass of matter. Grounded. Breathing. Alive.
It's nice to be a universal hiccup.
It feels good to be an awesome cosmic miracle. :")
Life is. And I think that's what makes it so amazing.
Wow Alex! Incredible story. Thank you for sharing with the world. It’s awesome to hear that you made your way back here two years later. Glad to hear you also had a friend you could lean on during the tough times.
In regards to knowledge being liberating: it sounds like you are embracing how Abraham Maslow described self-actualizers and transcenders: “My strong impression is that transcenders show more strongly a positive correlation—rather than the more usual inverse one—between increasing knowledge and increasing mystery and awe … at the highest levels of development of humanness, knowledge is positively rather than negatively correlated with a sense of mystery, awe, humility, ultimate ignorance, reverence, and a sense of oblation.”
To “sort myself out” and get to “know thyself,” I spent a ton of my free time after work and on weekends in 2016 learning and trying to discover my life purpose. Things initially started to click a year after my crisis (crisis was in late 2015; I started making some good progress on my purpose in late 2016). Things continued to build from there, but it has not been a linear journey. I couldn’t even verbalize my purpose or put it on paper until a few weeks ago in 2020! All in all, it’s definitely an ongoing journey. But, spending time reflecting on my life, contemplating broader life, learning, growing spiritually, and discovering purpose have all been critical elements.
In regards to growing up Christian: I was raised Catholic. I actually posted this recently: “Aha Moment on Broadening Spirituality: I was raised religious—Catholic grade school, Jesuit high school. Then stopped for years. Dabbled in non-denominational Christianity post-college. None of this stuck. Until I found the depth of completely open, self-guided spirituality. Paradoxically, I’ve also found spirituality through things that are not known for it. For instance, through science, learning in general, getting to know myself, etc. These have increased my sense of awe in life and my feeling that there is some sort of universal intelligence.”
You are right that there are no answers. Instead of seeing that as a downside, perhaps try viewing the meaning of life this way: “There is no answer. The real answer is ‘because.’ You get to make up your own answer is the beauty. If there was a single answer, we would not be free. We would be trapped…we would all have to live to that answer…luckily there is no answer.” — Naval Ravikant
In regards to the ups and downs / driven and demotivated: I’ve started thinking about life like a sine wave that oscillates between periods of ups and downs. This gets a little deep, but dualities are just different parts of an inseparable whole. For instance, you can’t have light without dark, good doesn’t make sense without bad, etc. Instead of getting sucked into the extremes of one end of the duality or the other, the key is to find the “middle way” as much as possible and view life holistically (as a unified whole instead of separated parts).
In regards to death: I recently published this post you may find helpful: 15 Deep Insights about Death to Understand the Meaning of Life & Live Fully Alive
I also had a few aha moments about death recently. Many things in life are paradoxes. For instance, death is the best invention of life. Birth and death are just two parts of the whole of life. It’s less about fear of death, and more about fear of living. If you are living fully each day, then you have no fear of death. “The fear of death follows from the fear of life.” — Attributed to Mark Twain
I like “universal hiccups.” During my crisis, I described humanity as a “blip in time and space.”
It’s truly life-transforming to view life as a miracle. Something you “get to” live instead of “have to” live.
The end of your message reminded me of Charles Eisenstein: “The value of the question, ‘Why am I here?’ doesn’t depend on it achieving an answer. But, it drives a life process…The reason for life is life. The reason for life is to make more life. The reason for life is to bring more life into all that is. To make the universe more and more and more alive. That life is unfolding into greater and greater livingness…The point is to be part of the increasing livingness of life…The nature of reality is toward life. To become more and more alive…Please allow the service to life, this concept of I am life, therefore, I, like all life, am here to make the whole world more alive. Try that on and let that color your perceptions for awhile and see how that idea works on you.”
I truly wish you all the best! Feel free to come back any time and share progress 🙂
Hi Kyle.
I just stumbled across your site this morning when searching for links to Rick Warren’s book, The Purpose-Driven Life. (I will look at some of your other material later.)
I’m seventy-five years old, and like you, I’ve been searching for answers to my existential questions, but of course, my search/journey is very different from yours.
The absolute bottom line for me is Rick Warren’s statement here:
“GOD’S ULTIMATE GOAL FOR YOUR LIFE on Earth is not comfort, but CHARACTER development.
HE WANTS YOU TO grow up spiritually and BECOME LIKE CHRIST. Becoming like Christ does not mean losing your personality or becoming a mindless clone. God created your uniqueness, so he certainly doesn’t want to destroy it.
CHRISTLIKENESS is all about TRANSFORMING your CHARACTER, not your personality.“
My other questions were, Who is God? and WHAT IS HE DOING? and most important of all, WHY is he doing what he is doing, THE WAY he is doing it?
God has been very gracious to me and has answered all of my questions, so now I can concentrate on participating in the process of theosis (transformation of my character into Christlikeness)
Bless you. See you in Heaven.
Thanks for sharing, Dolores! I think often about what I learned from “The Purpose Driven Life” (book summary): character development, that life may be a test, to consider the eternal possibilities, etc.
I also enjoyed comparing “The Purpose Driven Life” (religious approach) with Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” (spiritual approach). I put it into a premium post here: 55 Ways “A New Earth” (Eckhart Tolle) & “The Purpose Driven Life” (Rick Warren) say the Same Thing about Life Purpose
While most of it is similar, the biggest differences I see are in these two focus areas:
1. Eckhart Tolle focuses on a way out of suffering whereas Rick Warren focuses on a way to be saved.
2. Tolle focuses more on humanity’s evolution whereas Warren focuses more on humanity’s eternity.
All the best!
Kyle
Excellent article Kyle, and it has shed a lot of light on what I’ve experienced in small doses a couple times already, yet now am feeling in a very large way (60 years old but feel like 45?) It’s been an emotional roller coaster, and I love the quotes you’ve included in the article, especially this one:
“Being-in-the-world is examined closely in an existential crisis and, often, there are no answers to one’s questions. It typically is an experience of feeling completely untethered, existentially alone and lost – even despite one having a wealth of loving friends and family, a successful career and professional reputation, material acquisitions, and religious/spiritual faith.” — Jason Winkler
This is an eye-opening experience to say the least, and the timing, along with all the crap currently going on in our country and the world in general has only increased the sense of frustration, loneliness, and disconnection I am feeling with life, despite having a pretty good life overall!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing, Robert! As you can see from the comments, there are people of all ages experiencing crises. Some have had several throughout the course of a lifetime. There does seem to possibly be a higher prevalence around ages 30 and 60. This could have to do with life stage changes, but it may also have to do with something called the “Saturn return” (some rule out astrology, but I’m keeping an open mind). Perhaps it’s spiritual awakening, psychological evolution, gerotranscendence, or something else.
To your point, I wouldn’t be surprised if there is an increase in volume of crises right now given everything going on in the world. Hang in there!
Hey,
Thank you for writing the article. I’ve had depression and anxiety in the past and recently I’ve gone through physical stress then I started to look at my thoughts and where they come from and what makes me me. Now I have triggered a deep depression and
I feel completely alone and disconnected from everyone else like I’m the only person living in this world experiencing this. I have a feeling of hopelessness that I won’t get better. Anyone else have this feeling?
Thank you.
You certainly aren’t alone in your feeling, Kaleem. This is the best explanation of how I was feeling during my crisis. Perhaps it will be helpful on your journey as well:
“Many people who are going through the early stages of the awakening process are no longer certain what their outer purpose is. What drives the world no longer drives them. Seeing the madness of our civilization so clearly, they may feel somewhat alienated from the culture around them. Some feel that they inhabit a no-man’s land between two worlds.” — Eckhart Tolle
Hello and thank you for creating this online space for dealing with existential depression. I’ve recently entered into an existential depression, and I struggle daily with the thought of death, the unknown, and meaning in life. I’m in week 2 of my crisis, if you will, and I can’t shake the fact that I’m going to die one day. I feel like nothing I do from now until then will matter, because in the end I’m going to be thrust into an oblivion of eternal nothingness. Have you struggled with these thoughts? How have you been able to look past this fact of life without carrying the dark doom the thought of death brings? I am sorry for making you think so negatively as I am, but I am trying to move on and past this! Thank you! Joe
Thanks for asking, Joe. Yes, I’ve had these thoughts, and I’d guess many here have struggled with something related to death.
After synthesizing 75 perspectives on death, I have a newfound perspective on death as the best invention of life. I hope it will be helpful on your journey as well!
Oh my goodness. Soooooo much of this article rings true for me. I currently quit my job because I couldn’t face the pointlessness of it all for any longer. I have become indifferent to so much that used to sustain me too. I have been on a careers coaching program which encourages you to throw ideas in to a bank, anything and everything that you come across or that you can think of that inspires you. I realised that really the only things that I could populate this bank with were things concerning the wonder of nature and the universe. I have been sitting here thinking, well I am hardly going to train to be an astro physicist at this point in my career. Now I realise that I am simply in search of awe to give my life some ‘meaning’ and that no, I don’t actually want to be an astro physicist. I just want to learn about and look at the stars. Any tips on how can you design a life and a career around awe?
That’s wonderful to hear, Megan! Maybe awe is your ikigai. I’ve learned that purpose is best stated as a verb. So, perhaps yours is “to give awe,” “to inspire awe,” “to teach awe,” or something else. All in all, I used what I call ikigai 2.0 to find/create my purpose. That could be a helpful model for you to follow as well. Good luck!
Hi there,
It’s good to read about how this is for other people. My experience started at 13 when I looked in the mirror and asked ‘who am I’- I disappeared into a mindless maze of fear at that point. Things have deteriorated since then…! I’m 22 now. My question to everyone is does anyone else experience this state as terror? I can hardly bear to be alone as I feel as though I’m disappearing into a endless void, terrifying and debilitating. This is almost a constant state – anyone connect with this experience? Or even better, anyone know how to change this!
Hi Sophie! “Who am I?” is one of the deepest questions you can possibly ask. In fact, spiritual leader Ramana Maharshi used it as the ultimate method of self-enquiry.
I’ve learned a lot more about this question over the last few years. One of the reasons this question is so hard to answer is because who you are has multiple levels depending on the perspective you take. In a nutshell, here are a few worth contemplating.
Invest the time to get to “know thyself” on multiple levels:
Self-realization is essence: knowing you are one with all.
Selfhood is individual: knowing how you are different from everyone.
Specieshood is collective: knowing how you are similar to everyone.
All the best!
Kyle
Ok so where to begin? I’m 25 years old and I too am experiencing an existential crisis. I’ve had smaller crises multiple times throughout my life but none have ever felt as terrifying as the one I am experiencing now. I remember being in the fifth grade and for no particular reason coming to the realization that I was going to die someday and that there was nothing anybody or anything could do about it. It was terrifying and I also started to think about why I was scared of death and why living forever sounds just as scary. It kept me up for a few nights but eventually I was able to suppress it and move on. Since then I’ve had these thoughts off and on throughout my life and had many thoughtful discussions with friends who also have similar thoughts. When I was 20 I dropped out of college and moved in with my grandparents for awhile and during this time I experienced a panic attack that forever changed me. Since then I’ve struggled with extreme anxiety and panic attacks but i had thought that I had them under some sort of control. The attacks had been less frequent and I had experienced some real happiness for a time. I’m not what most people would call “successful” and I don’t make a lot of money but my girlfriend and I are generally happy with where we’re at in life… or so I thought. About two weeks ago from today I went through another panic attack that I fear has changed me yet again and this time it has brought with it another existential crisis that I can’t shake. Now all these unanswerable questions never cease to leave my mind. Why are we here? What’s our purpose in life? What’s the point to anything if we all are going to die anyway? As I said I’ve thought about these questions before but never have I felt the way I feel today. This time I have experienced a pure deconstruction of my own reality. I don’t know what is real or what anything means. I don’t feel any emotions at all most of the time. Just a blank slate, existing until I don’t anymore. I feel out of touch with the rest of humanity and no longer feel connections with other people. I can’t help but to think that nobody means anything to me because everybody is just out for their own selfish reasons. I’ve honestly just been living in agony and don’t know how to come out of it. I don’t sleep virtually at all at night and when I do it doesn’t feel like I have. I don’t want to eat because I think about how we as humans take the lives of other living creatures to serve that need. I have these ideas of myself that I try and cling on to like personality traits and such but it all just gets lost in these thoughts of existential dread. I keep thinking that we are all just atoms and particles and chemicals working to make up our consciousness that just serves as a means to achieve our survival needs. I’m wreaking havoc on the lives of those that I care about and I cant even say I’m sorry because I don’t feel these emotions anymore. I don’t feel human anymore. I know nobody has the answers for me and I don’t really know why I am posting this but the only way I feel better is by talking about my situation. I have found this site to be the most useful and insightful place on the internet regarding existential crisis and just wanted to say thanks and great job! I have scoured the internet over the past few weeks in search of help, guidance and knowledge on how to grapple with what I’m going through. I want to have purpose and meaning in life and I’ve tried to find that in making others happy and being the catalyst to my loved ones’ happiness. I will hold out for as long as I can and continue the search. There is small comfort in knowing that many other people go through and are going through what I am going through currently. Sorry for the negativity but I don’t know what else to do or say. Best of luck to all of you!
Thanks for sharing your story, Dylan. No need to apologize for the negativity. I’m not an expert, but I can provide some thoughts that may provide new perspectives to look at your life, humanity, and the world.
In regards to “deconstruction of my own reality”: After a bunch of research, I think I was experiencing cognitive dissonance during/after my crisis. Not sure if that applies to you, but it could be worthwhile to do some reading on the topic.
In regards to “feel out of touch with the rest of humanity”: I know what you mean here. The best thing I’ve read that described this feeling for me was this:
“Many people who are going through the early stages of the awakening process are no longer certain what their outer purpose is. What drives the world no longer drives them. Seeing the madness of our civilization so clearly, they may feel somewhat alienated from the culture around them. Some feel that they inhabit a no-man’s land between two worlds.” — Eckhart Tolle
In regards to death: I did a deep dive on death a few months ago that may add perspective. One of my big aha moments was that a fear of death often stems from a fear of living. Also, I just read the book The Four Agreements which says:
“To be alive is the biggest fear humans have. Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive — the risk to be alive and express what we really are. Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans.”
A few other perspectives to consider:
“Why is it worth doing anything? It’s worth doing anything because I’m going to be adding to the beauty and meaningfulness of reality that is experienceable by other people.” — Daniel Schmachtenberger
“The value of the question, ‘Why am I here?’ doesn’t depend on it achieving an answer. But, it drives a life process … The reason for life is life. The reason for life is to make more life. The reason for life is to bring more life into all that is. To make the universe more and more and more alive. That life is unfolding into greater and greater livingness … The point is to be part of the increasing livingness of life … The nature of reality is toward life. To become more and more alive … Please allow the service to life, this concept of I am life, therefore, I, like all life, am here to make the whole world more alive. Try that on and let that color your perceptions for awhile and see how that idea works on you.” — Charles Eisenstein
You are on the right track by searching for meaning and purpose. That’s the next step in my experience. I’ve published a ton of info on this site about those topics, and even more is in the works.
Keep learning and trying to open and expand your mind to new possibilities and perspectives. A newfound perspective can completely change your worldview (and therefore, your life).
I wish you all the best,
Kyle
Hi Kyle,
I’m nearly 35, and am going through this. It feels intense and terrifying, I’ve been having panic attacks at night. I live alone and it’s the middle of winter, so the short days are probably not helping.
I just wondered if you came to a conclusion about spirituality – if you found any belief that there is any consciousness at all, after death?
I’m freaking out at the idea of spending thousands of years in a graveyard, not existing at all.
I’ve been obsessively looking up celebrities ages – this probably isn’t normal, but I wanted to see what ‘stage’ everybody is at.
It’s a real struggle right now, and I’ve spiralled into a depression because of all of the anxiety. I feel physically sick all of the time, with nerves.
My Grandad told me that death is nothing to fear – that it’ll just be like before we born.
I hope that there will be a form of consciousness after death, but some of the scientists I’ve researched, have said that it’ll be like a computer shutting down. Other scientists have said that everything is recycled.
I feel quite dehumanised, at the thought of the soul not even exist song – that we are all just in a state of consciousness, and the way we feel is down to hormones, genetics and the environment. This has left me feeling like we are made from a bunch of reacting cells – nothing more. That we exist in no deeper way than a plant does. As you can see, I’ve spiralled quite a bit.
Thank you in advance if you decide to reply – I am really curious to know if your research has brought you to an evaluation that there is anything after death.
Hi Sam! You’re probably on to something about the short days. Weather seems to play a much bigger role on mood than many realize. Add Covid lockdowns on top of it, and it’s a recipe for people spending way too much time indoors (which can lead to increasing anxiety). I also feel like my anxiety has been up this year.
It seems like you are on a good path of researching and learning about nature, how the body works, theories about consciousness, and more. Learning has been absolutely critical to my journey over the last five years. The opening/expanding of the mind and broadening of perspective are invaluable. These alone can transform how you see the world and interact in it. Don’t forget that a spiral works both ways—spiraling down and spiraling up. Continued learning can definitely help you change momentum to start spiraling up.
At this point on my spiritual journey, I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t make any conclusions. True spirituality seems like the letting go of beliefs and simply surrendering to life as it is. So, it’s not a process of adding anything. It’s a process of subtracting untruths. There’s no amount of content we can add to our minds to make us more spiritual if spirituality is beyond the mind. I actually just came across this quote yesterday:
“A donkey with a load of holy books is still a donkey.” — Sufi Proverb
Here’s my recommended reading list for spirituality:
– Great place to start for spiritual growth: The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer | Summary | 🔒 How to Apply it
– Great place to start for spiritual growth: Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse | Summary
– Tough love approach to spirituality: Awareness by Anthony De Mello | Summary | 🔒 How to Apply It
– Tough love approach to spirituality: The Way to Love by Anthony de Mello | Summary
– Once you’ve read the previous books: Spiritual Enlightenment by Jed McKenna | Summary | 🔒 How to Apply it
I did a fairly deep dive into death a few months ago. You may find these two posts helpful:
– 15 Deep Insights about Death to Understand the Meaning of Life & Live Fully Alive
– 🔒 Stream of Consciousness: Is Death the Best Invention of Life?
Death is a natural part of the circle/cycle of life that begins with birth. One of my biggest ahas about death is that the fear of death stems from the fear of life. If you are living your life to the fullest, then there is no fear of death (or, at least less of it). When you hold nothing back from life, you are ready for death at any moment; just like someone who is ready for sleep after a good day’s work (paraphrasing Lao Tzu in Tao Te Ching).
“You should live your life so that you are not afraid of death, and at the same time do not wish to die.” — Leo Tolstoy
I wish you all the best in the coming year!
Kyle
This was a really great article! I was so relieved to find it as I have recently been launched into a second (potentially third?) round of existential crisis, which is not an easily approached topic with the people in my life. While I am familiar with it, every time has been triggered by a different event — I will say that while my triggers for this one unfortunately are revolving around some recent tragedies, how ironic is it that it’s right before my 30th birthday? I’ve dealt with anxiety disorders most of my life, which makes wanting to dive straight into the center of a crisis really hard and scary and it’s often weeks before I’ll do it, but it is true that I have come out stronger every time by going straight through versus around. We have to ask ourselves some really hard and occasionally horrifying questions!! Life is not for the faint of heart, and learning to trust the universe is a process, but there is a lot to learn and understand and love about this existence. We really are all connected! Anyway, I appreciated all your quotes and experience with the subject yourself. Thank you!
Hey Sarah! Thanks so much for the kind words and for sharing your own story. There may be something to be said for the age of 30 (Google “Saturn return”…although, I’m no expert in astronomy or astrology). It’s amazing to hear from someone else who has gone through their own crises and come out stronger on the other side. You’re right about asking ourselves some really hard questions. And, I think you nailed it with this:
“Life is not for the faint of heart, and learning to trust the universe is a process, but there is a lot to learn and understand and love about this existence. We really are all connected!”
Hi Kyle,
I have just found your blog, as I was looking for answers for my current crisis online. It is actually the third time in my life that I am struggling with a crisis surrounding the meaning of life. I hope it is ok, if I share my story 🙂 I first had these thoughts when I was 14 and my father was struggling with severe mental health issues, resulting in him attempting suicide several times. They came back when I was 19 and I was finishing school and had no idea what to do wih my life. I am 26 now and have just finished my master`s degree. It actually came as a surprise to me, when the thoughts started to come back, because I thought that it was a phase of my life that I have left behind a long time ago. I would desribe my crisis as being extrinsic, like your wifes experience. For me it is a scary experience, even though I am quite familiar with the thoughts that I am having, they cause extreme fear and panic. They also stop me from enjoying life, as I am stuck in my mind, and they sometimes make me even question reality. In the past my strategy for dealing with these fears was to ignore them, distract my mind and unfortunately to socially isolate myself and avoid talking to others about my fears. Thanks to your post I am now realizing that I have to take a different approach and actively search for answers. I think that I haven been feeling lost for a long time and now that I have to make choices about my future it is time to reflect and embrace my thoughts rather than pushing them aside.
Thank you for having created such a wonderful website , talking so openly about your issues and giving advice to others! Warm greetings from Germany:)
Hey Laura! Warm greetings from California, USA. Of course it’s ok to share your story (and thank you for doing so). I think the more people who share their unique stories, the more everyone realizes just how common a crisis is and that we can all help each other through it. Interestingly, I’d say that the majority of people who have reached out to me say that their crisis is like my wife’s “extrinsic” experience.
Actively questioning and searching for answers is the best thing I ever did. Learning (and unlearning) exposes you to new ideas which gives you a newfound perspective on life. There’s so much awe-inspiring stuff happening in nature and the world. I think part of my existential crisis was caused by too narrow of a focus on my own life (to your point of being “stuck in my mind”). I had lost the bigger picture of life beyond myself. A new perspective will allow you to reframe how you see yourself in the world. All the best on your journey!
Hello kyle,
I am 21 year old male. I am going through a phase where I don’t care for anything anymore. I don’t have energy to do anything. I am not able to decide if a statement is right or wrong. I always say, ” In my perspective i am right and in his he is” and i am not able to act accordingly as i think that no one is right or wrong in any topic/statement. And this thought comes to me at every instant. I fear the change in me from vegetarianism to non. I don’t fear my death, but i fear death of my loved ones and nowadays distancing them from me as i fear I’ll feel really bad when their time comes. I feel depressed watching horror movies videos where there is death. I am Petrified of my own thoughts now. Please help. Give me a light of hope. 😭
Hey Varun – Thanks for sharing your story and struggles. There’s a concept I recently discovered called Ego Development Theory (EDT) which explains how everyone is at a different level of life—and someone’s entire worldview is based on their current level. The ability to see the subjectivity of perspectives is a characteristic of a certain level. But, it can grow and mature into higher and higher levels of perspective. So much “clicked” for me once I learned about EDT. I’d combine learning about that along with a bunch of the other resources mentioned in the article and comments. The more you can open your mind, expose yourself to new ideas, and learn, the more it will help you get to the other side of your crisis with a new perspective. I wish you all the best!
hey, i’m a twenty year old who just experienced his first year at university and i have been facing an existential crisis these past few weeks or so, death in particular has been keeping me awake and sort of made me feel disconnected from reality. I started questioning my conciousness and have been having thoughts about the passing of time. I get terrified at the thought of me just being a biological dispensable machine, my memories just being mere chemical processes and my whole existence is just that of atoms working together. My dad is about to turn sixty years old and that made me come to the realization that these blissful happy years will come to an end eventually. all of my thoughts, experiences and people that i know will cease to exist, and for some reason i can’t live with that. these raised further questions such as: are my parents still my parents when i die? if i have received conciousness once could i receive it again? I guess a way in which i could put it, is that i’m so scared of not seeing my parents again or seeing my girlfriend again or not seeing my siblings and dog again, it terrifies me and the more i think about it the more i feel like there’s truly nothing after death (it’s like in the Avenger’s movie where Thano’s snaps his finger and he turns into sand and disappears) My only wish is that i could be with them forever
Thanks for sharing, William! I’d guess that death is a very common cause of existential crisis. Here are some things worth checking out:
It sounds like you are viewing life mostly from the scientific, objective perspective (e.g. biological machine, chemical processes, atoms). This is just one of several different perspectives that you can take on life. Check out this introduction to Integral Theory and the 4-quadrant AQAL model.
In regards to death, check out this post: 15 Deep Insights about Death to Understand the Meaning of Life & Live Fully Alive
Lastly, any perspective can be inverted. For instance, how amazing is it that we are atoms working together as biological machines with chemical processes? How amazing is it that we get to spend some time in this life on Earth? How amazing is it that you get to experience life with other people (parents, siblings, friends, etc)? Life becomes much more enjoyable if you’re able to flip your perspective from things you “have to” do to things you “get to” do.
Keep exploring, learning, and opening/expanding your mind. All the best! Kyle
I honestly wish i could look at it from a more spiritual point of view, but for some reason I can’t bring myself into believing any of them, which kind of sucks to be fair!
How did you end up getting out of it Kyle? because i feel like this is a phase that a lot of people go through.
Keep in mind that the more life that’s been lived, the more experience (and perspective) you’ll gain. Also, it’s an important distinction that spirituality does not equal belief (religions are about belief). Spirituality is seeing the truth underneath all the religions.
At the same time, spirituality is just one additional perspective outside science. There are a variety of different perspectives (see Integral Theory’s AQAL model and all the perspectives of Ego Development Theory’s stages).
In the 5+ years since my existential crisis, here are the things that I feel like have helped me the most:
– Learning (& Unlearning): Opening and expanding my mind has given me a much broader and deeper perspective on what I know and don’t know. I feel like I’ve learned more in the last five years of self-directed learning than in any prior period of my entire life (including school). A new dose of perspective goes a long way.
– Intentional Living: It was an incredible aha moment for me when I realized there was a way out of the busyness I was unconsciously living. During my existential crisis, I discovered slow living, downshifting, voluntary simplicity, minimalism, and more. These are still guiding life philosophies for me to this day.
– Life Purpose: Learning, newfound perspective, and intentional living paved the way for me to find life purpose. It’s taken me a few years to really piece things together here and articulate my purpose—and it still continues to unfold and emerge.
– Mental Mastery & Spiritual Growth: I still have a lot to learn here, but it’s been well worth the time I’ve invested so far.
I would recommend starting with the very first one: learning (and unlearning). Try to expose yourself to new ideas and get a newfound perspective on life. There’s so much awe-inspiring stuff happening in nature and the world. I think part of my existential crisis was caused by too narrow of a focus on my own life. I had lost the bigger picture of life beyond myself. A new perspective will allow you to reframe how you see yourself in the world.
All in all, keep your head up! Many others are going through crises these days. While an existential crisis can be a dark time, the light on the other side of it is truly amazing. In many ways I now view my life as pre-crisis and post-crisis. It was definitely a pivotal moment for me.
My existential crisis lasted 15 years. No anti depressant medication helped or standard talking therapies. It lasted so long because I did not know what it was nor did anyone understand me when I put it into words. Then I discovered that I was living an inauthentic life. Times when I was alone and had nothing to do were the worst. I was in perfect physical condition but I was miserable. It’s been a slow process but I’ve found out that starting to do what I enjoy is not actually selfish but utterly necessary….Great blog by the way.
Really appreciate you sharing a bit about your story, Dave. Although the realization took a long time, I think you’ve totally nailed it with, “I discovered that I was living an inauthentic life” and “I’ve found out that starting to do what I enjoy is not actually selfish but utterly necessary.” I wish you all the best moving forward in an authentic way where you can give your self away in service. You may enjoy this Premium post: 🔒Stream of Consciousness: Can you be Selfish AND Save the World?
I really enjoyed reading this account.
I too have had a career in marketing communications and have continually been asking myself, “How can I fit all the different pieces of my life together?”
My coming out and resolution was through writing a book about consilience called How to Understand Everything. On the surface it is a book about epistemology and the jumping together of ideas. Not far beneath is a raging repudiation of mainstream academic ways of thinking.
My journey isn’t over. I’m looking for like-minded souls who are interested in exploring deeper truths, wherever they come from.
So glad you stumbled upon Sloww, Tom! Very cool to hear you have a similar career background in marketing. Love that you landed on consilience. Over the last few years, I’ve discovered there are many like-minded, like-principled, and like-spirited souls out there.
Love this article and relate so much to most of it! Especially the ‘extrinsic’ crisis your wife faced!
I have only a few days ago felt truly in my first existential crisis, but I don’t see it as too much of a bad thing, just a really weird feeling. Trying to be positive and see it as a good thing but it also makes you question everything when you see the world for more than what it seems – even who to trust, what’s really going on etc.
My memories feel like they weren’t me, and i question whether they’re even real. I know they are but, like you say, I see my life as pre- and post- crisis now – or at least pre/post the beginning of my inquisitive thoughts. I wish I could go back to the days when I felt normal and didn’t question anything, but at the same time I feel like I’m pushing my mind out of its comfort zone of understanding – but when it goes beyond its scope of understanding, it starts to make me spiral.
I feel so much better hearing that other people can relate but can see that while some say it was a short experience/had positive outcomes, others say it was long/ongoing and hasn’t come to a real outcome at all.
Kyle, or anyone else reading – what would you suggest is the difference between these two responses? Is there anything you think you can do to influence how long it lasts/how you feel after it? Or is it completely random depending on the person?
Also – how did/do you feel about talking with others? I feel like I don’t want to get into it with people as I a) don’t want to sound like a lunatic and b) don’t want to send anyone else into a crisis they might struggle to handle.
And lastly – I find myself feeling like im going crazy or losing my mind when my thoughts start doubting what is reality etc., the deepest and most confusing th0ughts. To what extent do you think this is a mental health issue and/or requires some form of mental health support? As i am a little worried about it going too far and my brain being scrambled as my thoughts sometimes make me feel like i’m losing it. Whereas others, mostly when i’m talking to people or doing familiar/everyday things, I feel like I can handle it and am maybe even embracing it.
It’s very confusing and I feel like i’m on drugs or something – sorry if this made no sense and is super long!
Thanks so much for sharing, Samantha! I’ve had quite a few people reach out to let me know they’ve experienced the extrinsic version of the crisis. You certainly aren’t alone!
That’s great that you primarily aren’t viewing it as a bad thing. It’s a weird (and sometimes scary) time, but it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Usually that perspective comes on the other side of it when you’re better able to reflect on the experience. I hear you about pushing your mind beyond its comfort zone. While it can be uncomfortable at times, I’d never trade my post-crisis life for my pre-crisis life.
I’m not an expert in long/ongoing crises vs short/acute crises and can only speak from my own personal experience. For mine, I faced it head on. I didn’t shy away from it, put it on the backburner of my to-do list, or otherwise try to escape from it. Over the following year (all of 2016), I continued to immerse myself in learning/unlearning and attempting to discover purpose and meaning. It took up a good chunk of my free time. But, I feel like I got out of it what I put into it. And, that seems to be how much of life works: life will give you what you give it. As they say, “What you put out into the world comes back to you.” I truly feel that all my invested time, energy, and attention in reflection and contemplation was totally worth it.
In regards to talking about it with others, I didn’t hold anything back. My wife was right there by my side, and I kept my parents and close friends in the loop as well. My wife admits that she was concerned at times and had never seen me like that before in our relationship. The only place I didn’t share anything about it was in a professional setting at work. However, ever since I’ve been full-time on Sloww, I’ve been openly sharing it with everyone without hesitation. After all, it’s the seed that started everything. Sloww literally would not exist if there was no existential crisis.
Personally, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how many people tell me some version of, “Me too!” or “Here was my experience…” I think existential crises/angst (or at least deep existential questioning) is incredibly common—much more than we think. That being said, mental health issues are also very real. There are many pathologies of the mind. To name a few:
– Depersonalization: a detachment within the self, being a detached observer of oneself
– Dissociation: detachment from reality
– Derealization: a dissociative symptom that perceives reality as unreal, distant, distorted or falsified
– Psychosis: loss of reality
I think what I experienced was some form of cognitive dissonance. I just learned recently that Ken Wilber (founder of Integral Theory) says dissonance is a critical part of transformation: “If the person has tasted a stage and become fairly full, then he or she is open to transformation. In order for this to occur, some sort of dissonance generally has to set in. The new wave is struggling to emerge, the old wave is struggling to hang on, and the individual feels torn, feels dissonance, feels pulled in several directions. But in any event there has to be some sort of profound dissatisfaction with the present level; one has to be agitated, annoyed, frustrated with it, so that a deep and conflicted dissonance insistently arises.”
I truly wish you all the best!
Kyle
hi i am going through an existential crisis post episode of anxiety and depression to the extent i feel why should i dress up exercise or eat healthy if i am not going to live. i was very spiritual and never had these feelings before… i am a mother and taking care of kids is a task now for me. also my husband is not able to focus on work because of me. i dont get sleep have mind fog and feel physically drained out….just dont know what should i do
Hi Pooja – Thanks for sharing your experience. I understand a crisis can be a very tough time that seems to seep into all aspects of life, but keep going and you’ll come out the other side eventually. By “if I am not going to live,” do you mean not going to live forever? Don’t forget it never hurts to look into options for professional help. All the best to you and your family!
is existential crisis normal for 18 year old ?
I don’t think life has a minimum age requirement for a crisis. Biological age may be a factor as the brain physically develops, but psychological maturity is also a factor as the mind mentally develops. If you scroll through the comments here, there are quite a few other teenagers who have experienced some form of a crisis. All the best!
Hi Kyle,
I’m a 16 yr old living abroad in another country, currently(and recently started) undergoing an existential crisis.
I feel really anxious and doubtful about my existence, the source of my consciousness, me being me and not seven billion other people, God’s existence, the afterlife, and so on. But it feels so weird that the thought about all this just came suddenly and abruptly, without an external event causing me to process it that way. I also feel so alienated from the people around me-why do I myself, and only myself contemplate all these things? The people around me seem to live their life normally, without any internal struggles, but here I am, perhaps thinking too deeply about the meaning of my life.
I’m a bad writer-so to skip all the preface and stuff-can I ask you some questions that might be a little controversial?
First off, do you believe in the existence of God? Are you religious right now? No offense, but seeing my pious parents failing economically even when they lived their lives just like what “God” would’ve wanted them to do makes me question the bare possibility that God may just be a disillusionment of us humans. Maybe just a source for our purpose in life and to give comfort in thinking that death may not be the end.
Second, if God doesn’t exist, then do we have a purpose in life? All human beings have the inevitable consequence of death. With no exception. Then why should we live with “purpose” when after all, everything ends the same way?
I’m sorry if I sound too pessimistic or argumentative, but as a teen who recently underwent depression, I want to find the purpose of life faster so that I can start a happier life and resent it no more. Oh, and I really liked your post:) It really relieves me that there are a lot of people who are in an existential crisis and that there is an extremely helpful blog about it:) Probably I’m a few years late to post this comment though…
Hi Irene – Thanks for sharing your experience. There are quite a few other teenagers who have left comments on this post in the past that may also offer helpful perspective to you. Based on what you’ve written, you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and are asking good questions. None of this is pessimistic or argumentative. I wish everyone asked these deep questions. Keep in mind all of this is just my personal perspective and shouldn’t be taken as advice/prescriptions.
Thanks for your kind words about the post. I’ve learned so much since this post was originally written that I feel like I need to rewrite the entire thing at this point. Maybe I’ll do that for the 7-year anniversary of my crisis in a couple months.
The first thing I’d recommend looking into is biology. For instance, the frontal cortex of your brain doesn’t finish developing until age 25. However, as a teenager, your dopamine system is fully online. Biology correlates with what’s going on in psychology. Stanford professor Robert Sapolsky has some fascinating video lectures and podcasts on YouTube about the biology of behavior.
Re: “being me and not seven billion other people” — this is actually a wonderful insight called the lottery of birth or ovarian lottery. It’s quite a liberating experience to realize you didn’t choose/control your nature (brain) or nurture (mind). The lottery of birth has completely changed my perspective about life for the better. It’s easily one of the biggest ideas I’ve discovered in the last 7 years and the one I wish I could tell the entire world about.
Re: “the thought about all this just came suddenly and abruptly” — Your mind is a constantly changing system, so anything can cause the system to change at any time. Even though there wasn’t a big, noticeable external event, our minds can change from something small and often unnoticeable to us. Even the right piece of small information at the right time can have big impacts.
Re: “why do I myself, and only myself contemplate all these things?” — I was in the same position during my crisis. Other than my wife, I went through my crisis from mostly a solitary perspective in the physical world. But, in the digital world, I had access to the world’s information online and also found other like-minded people eventually (primarily through Twitter). Deep thinking could be because of your personality type (I’m an INTJ and it seems like many other deep thinkers are too), and/or it could be because of your stage of psychological development.
Re: “do you believe in the existence of God?” — I’d consider myself spiritual but not religious (I was raised Catholic by the way). The lottery of birth makes you realize that if you were born in a different country on the other side of the world, you’d be a different religion. So, your religion is a matter of circumstance. I’ve realized that religion is really just ideas in the mind, but spirituality is beyond ideas—and ultimately beyond the mind. The intent of religion is to point to what is beyond the mind, but most get stuck in the mind (which causes all sorts of problems). To me, God is the source of whatever is (not a man in the sky). Humans didn’t invent or design humans. As far as we know, we came about through evolution. Well, where did the mechanism of evolution come from? Complexity? Physics? Where did those things come from? If you keep asking questions (which I highly encourage), you ultimately end up with unanswerable questions.
Re: “purpose in life” — You could check out my Ikigai 2.0 eBook which is my recommended approach for finding life purpose (and what I personally used to find purpose).
I wish you all the best on your own journey! I literally think about life now as pre-crisis vs post-crisis. Life is so much deeper and better now than ever before. Eventually you’ll get through it and come out on the other side with a newfound perspective on life.
Thank you so much for offering this help to so many people. I just read every single comment and took some screenshots for future reference. I still cannot get over the thought of no longer existing and also saying goodbye to others. I’ve been stuck on this concept for almost 2 years now. I’m about to see a therapist about it but wondered if you had any specific advice on how to “get over” not existing. I tell myself that I won’t have to worry about not existing because I won’t exist. Help!!